Abuse is not limited to physical violence. Many abusers seek control by restricting another person’s independence, communication, finances, movement, and access to information.

One incident may not tell the whole story, but repeated patterns of these behaviours are serious warning signs.

Restricting Freedom of Movement

• Taking away car keys.
• Hiding or confiscating house keys.
• Taking a passport or identity documents.
• Withholding a driving licence.
• Preventing someone from leaving the home.
• Blocking doorways or physically standing in the way.
• Refusing access to a vehicle.
• Monitoring where someone goes or who they meet.
• Insisting on accompanying them everywhere.
• Tracking their movements without their knowledge.

Financial Control

• Taking bank cards.
• Controlling access to bank accounts.
• Emptying joint accounts without agreement.
• Refusing access to shared money.
• Demanding receipts for every purchase.
• Giving an “allowance” while controlling all other finances.
• Preventing someone from working or studying.
• Running up debts in the other person’s name.
• Hiding financial information.
• Threatening financial ruin if they leave.

Digital Control

• Changing passwords without permission.
• Locking someone out of their email accounts.
• Taking control of online banking.
• Resetting security questions.
• Taking over cloud storage accounts.
• Removing someone from shared accounts.
• Locking someone out of joint computers.
• Changing computer settings to restrict access.
• Installing monitoring software without consent.
• Reading emails or messages without permission.
• Demanding passwords.
• Constantly checking phones or devices.
• Deleting emails or messages.
• Controlling access to important digital records.

Home and Security Systems

• Changing alarm codes.
• Changing smart lock access.
• Removing someone from home security apps.
• Locking down CCTV systems.
• Preventing access to camera recordings.
• Changing Wi-Fi passwords.
• Disconnecting internet access to isolate someone.
• Restricting access to smart home controls.

Communication Control

• Taking someone’s phone.
• Blocking numbers.
• Deleting contacts.
• Intercepting mail.
• Reading private correspondence.
• Preventing contact with family or friends.
• Monitoring conversations.
• Insisting on being present during phone calls.

Isolation

• Discouraging or preventing contact with loved ones.
• Moving someone away from their support network.
• Making them cancel social activities.
• Creating conflict with friends or relatives.
• Making them feel guilty for seeing other people.
• Convincing them that no one else cares.

Intimidation

• Threatening to expose private information.
• Threatening to report false allegations.
• Threatening to take the children away.
• Threatening to have pets removed or harmed.
• Damaging property.
• Smashing phones or computers.
• Throwing objects.
• Using fear rather than discussion to get their own way.

Controlling Daily Life

• Dictating what someone wears.
• Controlling when they sleep.
• Monitoring food or medication.
• Deciding where they can go.
• Deciding who they can speak to.
• Demanding permission for ordinary activities.
• Timing journeys and questioning every delay.

Manipulation

• Gaslighting—making someone doubt their memory or perception.
• Rewriting events.
• Denying obvious facts.
• Blaming the victim for the abuse.
• Alternating affection with cruelty to create confusion.
• Using guilt to gain compliance.

After Separation

Control often continues after a relationship ends.

Examples include:

• Refusing to return personal belongings.
• Keeping passports or identity documents.
• Refusing to hand over keys.
• Keeping important paperwork.
• Blocking access to joint accounts or shared records.
• Changing passwords after separation.
• Removing access to shared cloud storage or family accounts.
• Using children to continue control.
• Repeated unwanted contact.
• Stalking or surveillance.
• Making false allegations.
• Deliberately delaying legal or financial matters to prolong distress.

Remember

Healthy relationships are built on trust, equality, and respect. Neither partner should control the other’s freedom, identity, finances, communications, or ability to leave.

If someone consistently uses fear, intimidation, isolation, financial pressure, or digital control to dominate another person, those behaviours may be part of a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour. If you are experiencing these behaviours, consider speaking to a trusted person or seeking advice from a specialist domestic abuse service or legal professional.