Type of Abuse	What It Looks Like	Common Warning Signs
Physical Abuse	The use or threat of physical force to intimidate or cause harm.	Hitting, pushing, grabbing, restraining, blocking exits, throwing objects, unexplained injuries, threats of violence.
Psychological / Emotional Abuse	Behaviour that damages confidence, identity or emotional wellbeing.	Constant criticism, humiliation, insults, silent treatment, intimidation, making someone feel “not good enough.”
Coercive Control	A pattern of domination that removes another person’s independence and freedom.	Monitoring movements, controlling money, isolating from family, making rules, demanding permission, constant surveillance.
Verbal Abuse	Using words to intimidate, shame or degrade.	Name-calling, shouting, sarcasm, ridicule, public humiliation, persistent blame.
Financial Abuse	Controlling or exploiting someone’s money or assets.	Restricting access to accounts, forcing debt, taking pensions, refusing to contribute while benefiting financially, pressuring for property or inheritance.
Gaslighting	Manipulating someone into doubting their own memory or perception of reality.	“That never happened,” “You’re imagining things,” changing stories, denying evidence, making the victim question themselves.
Social Isolation	Gradually cutting someone off from support networks.	Criticising friends and family, creating conflict, controlling communication, making the person dependent.
Digital Abuse	Using technology to monitor, intimidate or control.	Checking phones, tracking locations, demanding passwords, excessive messaging, monitoring social media activity.
Sexual Abuse or Coercion	Any unwanted sexual behaviour or pressure without freely given consent.	Pressure, guilt, manipulation, ignoring boundaries, unwanted touching, using threats or intimidation.
Neglect	Failing to provide necessary care or support for a dependent or vulnerable person.	Lack of food, medication, hygiene, supervision or medical care, ignoring basic needs.
Elder or Vulnerable Adult Abuse	Exploiting age, disability or dependence for personal gain or control.	Missing money, unexplained injuries, sudden changes in wills or finances, isolation, fearfulness around a particular person.
Image Management / Public-Private Split	Appearing charming and generous publicly while behaving very differently in private.	“No one would believe me,” different personalities depending on the audience, reputation used as a shield against accountability.

The Neuroscience of Abuse

Chronic abuse affects the brain as well as emotions.

Repeated exposure to fear, criticism or unpredictability can:

• Keep the nervous system in a constant state of alert.
• Increase cortisol (the stress hormone).
• Reduce confidence in personal judgement.
• Make leaving or seeking help feel overwhelming.
• Create trauma bonds through cycles of fear followed by relief or affection.

Universal Red Flags

🚩 You feel anxious rather than safe.

🚩 You find yourself walking on eggshells.

🚩 You apologise for things that are not your responsibility.

🚩 Your world becomes smaller and more isolated.

🚩 You are constantly confused by mixed messages.

🚩 You hide what is happening because you think no one will believe you.

🚩 The person’s actions repeatedly contradict their words.

Healthy Relationships Feel Different

Healthy relationships encourage:

✔ Respect

✔ Independence

✔ Honest communication

✔ Shared responsibility

✔ Emotional safety

✔ Boundaries

✔ Trust

Remember

Abuse is rarely defined by a single incident. More often, it is a repeated pattern of behaviour designed to create fear, dependence, confusion or control.

The most important question is not:

“Can I prove they meant to hurt me?”

It is:

“How does this relationship consistently affect my safety, freedom, confidence and wellbeing?”

If the answer is fear, control or isolation rather than respect and security, those experiences deserve to be taken seriously.