A well-recognized pattern in abuse psychology:

for some people, the issue is not the specific partner—it’s the function the relationship serves for them.

In other words:
they are not primarily seeking mutual intimacy;
they may be seeking regulation, control, validation, or power.

Sometimes this is informally called “supply.”

Narcissistic Supply

That term is often used in popular psychology, but the underlying mechanisms are broader than one diagnosis.

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Why abusive patterns can repeat

1. The behavior “works” for them

From a learning perspective:

Operant Conditioning

If controlling, intimidating, or manipulating gets them:

• compliance,
• attention,
• emotional intensity,
• reassurance,
• power,

their brain learns:
“do that again.”

That reinforces the cycle.

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2. They may use others to regulate themselves

Some people struggle with internal emotional regulation.

Emotional Regulation

Instead of calming themselves, they may use relationships to do it:

• provoking reactions,
• creating drama,
• demanding attention,
• controlling others.

The other person becomes a tool for their nervous system.

That is unhealthy—and exhausting for the partner.

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3. Repetition compulsion

People often repeat familiar relational patterns—even destructive ones.

Repetition Compulsion

Why?
Because familiar feels psychologically “normal,” even when harmful.

So they may move from one partner to the next repeating:
the same script,
with different actors.

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4. Lack of insight or accountability

Change usually requires:

• insight,
• remorse,
• accountability,
• sustained effort.

Without those, patterns tend to persist.

Moral Disengagement helps explain why some people continue harmful behavior while feeling justified.

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“They just find new supply” — often, yes

Many survivors notice:
once one relationship ends, another begins quickly.

Why?

Because what they may miss most is not you specifically—
but the function you served:

• emotional regulation,
• admiration,
• caretaking,
• conflict fuel,
• control.

That can feel painful to realize—but also clarifying.

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The important shift for survivors

At first:

“Why wasn’t I enough?”

Later:

“This pattern likely would have repeated with anyone.”

That shift matters.

It moves the story from:
your worth
to
their pattern.

And those are very different things.

A useful reframe:

You were not “replaceable.”
You were witnessing a repetitive system—and stepping out of it.