It’s a strange kind of heartbreak when you realise the person you loved — the person you may have fought for, cried for, begged to change — never did anything voluntarily.

They never chose to seek help on their own.
They never chose to repair the damage.
They never chose to save the relationship.

Not because they didn’t know what was at stake. Not because they didn’t hear your pain. But because they simply didn’t care enough to choose change without being forced.

What a painful truth to sit with.

You may have asked — maybe even begged — for therapy, for open communication, for some kind of willingness to grow together. And instead, you were met with silence, defensiveness, or cruelty. Then, when the relationship was crumbling, when legal consequences loomed, when the mask finally fell — then they sought help. But not for you. Not for the marriage.

For themselves.
For damage control.
To protect their image or avoid punishment.

But healing, real healing — it can’t be forced.
And a relationship cannot be saved by pressure or obligation.

It’s deeply hurtful to realise someone only ever acted when the stakes got too high to ignore. It leaves you wondering why your love, your pain, your pleas weren’t enough. And the answer is devastating but freeing:

Because healing has to be chosen.
Love has to be lived, not performed under duress.

So if you’re reading this and it feels familiar — if you’ve been the one carrying the weight, doing the emotional labor, hoping for even a small sign of voluntary effort — I want you to hear this:

You were never asking for too much.
You were asking for the bare minimum: effort, care, growth.

And if they only moved when they were forced, they weren’t really moving toward you — they were reacting to consequences, not reaching for connection.

You deserve more than that.
You deserve someone who shows up willingly.
Who chooses healing, not because they’re told to — but because they want to.

And if that person is now you — choosing peace, choosing growth, choosing yourself — then the right person finally made the right choice.

And that person is worth fighting for.
Every single day. 💛

— Linda C J Turner

Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment