Abuse is a term that refers to the mistreatment, harm, or infliction of injury on someone, either through physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or other means. Abuse can occur in various contexts, including relationships, families, institutions, and broader social settings. It is a serious violation of an individual’s rights and can have profound and lasting effects on their physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.
One of the most common mistakes people make when trying to understand abusive behaviour is focusing on what the abuser says rather than what they consistently do. When someone has experienced emotional, psychological, financial, or physical abuse, they are often encouraged to focus on the latest apology, excuse, promise, or explanation. However, the real answers… Read More Look at the Patterns, Not the Promises
One of the biggest mistakes people make in abusive relationships is believing they can change, heal, rescue, or fix the person who is abusing them. It is an understandable belief, especially when you care deeply for someone and can see the pain, trauma, or difficulties that may lie beneath their behaviour. However, experience and research… Read More You Cannot Fix an Abuser
For much of my life, I believed that having an affair under any circumstances was completely wrong. It seemed like a clear-cut issue with no exceptions. However, after healing from abuse and working closely with psychologists and trauma specialists, my understanding of human behaviour has become far more nuanced. To be clear, this is not… Read More Understanding Why Some Women Seek Comfort Elsewhere During an Abusive Relationship
One of the most damaging responses a victim can hear is, “I doubt he’ll kill you.” Most people who say this are not being malicious. They simply cannot imagine that someone they know, a family member, friend, colleague, or neighbour, could be capable of such an act. They judge the situation through the lens of… Read More “I doubt he’ll kill you.”
The story of 48-year-old Plymouth nurse and lecturer Claire Chick is one of the clearest and most devastating examples of the dangers of stalking, coercive control, and domestic abuse escalation. Claire repeatedly sought help. Court proceedings heard that she contacted police six times in the months before her death, reporting harassment, stalking, threats, unwanted contact,… Read More “I honestly feel like Butler will kill me if further action is not taken. I am constantly afraid of leaving my house.”
The Most Dangerous Abusers Are Often the Calmest People in the Room Understanding coercive control through neuroscience and psychology One of the most damaging myths about domestic abuse is the belief that the abuser will always be obvious: angry, loud, aggressive, and visibly out of control. In reality, some of the most dangerous abusers are… Read More Why the Abuser Stays Calm
When history repeats itself and a family that once doubted or dismissed abuse finds themselves facing the same painful situation again, the emotional and psychological impact can be devastating. This recurrence often exposes deep patterns of denial, disbelief, and unresolved trauma within the family system. Families that previously did not believe victims of abuse may… Read More The Pain of Repeated Abuse in Disbelieving Families
When an abuser witnesses the impact of their own behavior on their children or grandchildren, especially in a courtroom setting where they observe further abuse unfolding, a complex and profound emotional and psychological dynamic emerges. This scenario reveals layers of denial, accountability, and the cyclical nature of abuse that can affect families deeply. Abuse often… Read More The Moment of Reckoning: An Abuser Witnessing Their Own Legacy
Recent reports have highlighted a deeply concerning reality: in some cases, the impact of domestic abuse is so severe that victims take their own lives. This is not a separate issue from abuse.It is part of it. When a person is subjected to sustained fear, control, psychological harm, and isolation, the damage is not always… Read More When Abuse Doesn’t End in Visible Violence: The Hidden Cost of Coercion and Control
Abuse does not always begin with something obvious. It often starts subtly—small shifts in behaviour, tone, or control that are easy to dismiss or explain away. Over time, these behaviours can build into patterns that impact your safety, your mental health, and your sense of self. Understanding the signs of dangerous or abusive behaviour is… Read More Dangerous and Abusive Behaviours: Recognising the Signs Before They Escalate
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 