Pattern	Typical Behaviour	Common Warning Signs
The Charmer	Uses charisma, compliments and generosity to build rapid trust.	Love bombing, excessive attention, moving the relationship very quickly, everyone says they’re “such a nice person.”
The Controller	Gradually takes control over decisions, finances, time or relationships.	Monitoring your phone, criticising friends, making rules, expecting permission, isolating you from support.
The Manipulator	Twists reality to create confusion and self-doubt.	Gaslighting, denying obvious facts, changing stories, making you apologise for their behaviour.
The Financial Exploiter	Uses others for money, housing or resources.	Constant borrowing, expecting others to pay, avoiding responsibility, leaving debts or practical problems for others.
The Professional Victim	Always has a crisis that requires rescuing.	Every problem is someone else’s fault, repeated emergencies, guilt used as leverage, no personal accountability.
The Image Manager	Protects a perfect public reputation while behaving differently in private.	Charming in public, dismissive or cruel in private, highly concerned with appearances, uses reputation as a shield.
The Boundary Tester	Starts with small violations to see what will be tolerated.	Ignoring “no,” unwanted touching, reading messages, showing up uninvited, pushing limits repeatedly.
The Intermittent Reinforcer	Alternates affection and withdrawal to create uncertainty.	Hot and cold behaviour, disappearing and returning, mixed messages, promises followed by silence.
The Isolator	Gradually reduces your independence and support network.	Criticising family and friends, creating conflict, encouraging dependence, making you feel guilty for seeing others.
The Smear Campaigner	Protects themselves by damaging someone else’s credibility.	Telling different stories to different people, portraying themselves as the victim, recruiting others to take sides.

What Neuroscience Tells Us

Predatory and manipulative behaviour often exploits normal human brain processes:

• Dopamine keeps people hoping that “things will go back to how they were.”
• Oxytocin increases trust and attachment, making it harder to leave.
• Cortisol (the stress hormone) keeps the nervous system in a state of hypervigilance and confusion.
• Intermittent reinforcement—unpredictable rewards mixed with rejection—creates particularly strong emotional attachments.

Red Flags to Watch For

✔ Their words and actions rarely match.

✔ They move very quickly or constantly create urgency.

✔ They expect special treatment but avoid responsibility.

✔ They isolate you from people who challenge their behaviour.

✔ They appear wonderful in public but leave you feeling anxious, guilty or diminished in private.

✔ They repeatedly ignore boundaries and then tell you that you’re “too sensitive.”

✔ Multiple people describe similar experiences over time.

The Most Important Question

Rather than asking:

“Is this person a predator?”

Ask:

“How do I consistently feel after spending time with them?”

Do you feel:

• Safe or anxious?
• Respected or controlled?
• Heard or confused?
• Free to be yourself or constantly walking on eggshells?

Healthy relationships regulate the nervous system and create safety. Harmful relationships create chronic uncertainty, fear and self-doubt.

Trust consistent patterns of behaviour more than isolated promises, apologies or public appearances.