This chart helps identify abusive psychological patterns early, understand why abuse happens, and support trauma recovery and prevention.

This is not about labels.
This is about recognising dangerous relational dynamics.

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🔍 Core Relationship Comparison Chart

Psychological Area	Healthy Partner	Abusive / High-Risk Partner
Emotional Regulation	Can self-soothe, reflect, calm down	Explosive anger, rage, emotional volatility
Responsibility	Takes accountability, apologises, repairs	Blames, denies, minimises, justifies
Boundaries	Respects boundaries, adapts behaviour	Pushes, violates, ignores boundaries
Conflict Style	Communicates, seeks understanding	Intimidates, threatens, dominates
Power Dynamic	Equal partnership	Control, dominance, superiority
Jealousy	Trust-based relating	Possessiveness, accusations, paranoia
Communication	Honest, open, direct	Manipulative, gaslighting, confusing
Empathy	Shows emotional concern	Lacks empathy or performs it strategically
Emotional Safety	Calm, predictable, consistent	Fear-based, unpredictable, walking on eggshells
Independence	Encourages autonomy	Isolates, restricts, controls
Emotional Intimacy	Safe vulnerability	Uses vulnerability as control leverage
Behaviour Consistency	Stable over time	Hot/cold, charming → cruel cycles

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🧠 Core Psychological Differences

Healthy Psychology

• Emotional regulation
• Secure attachment
• Internal emotional responsibility
• Relational equality
• Empathy-based relating

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Abusive Psychology

• Fear-based control systems
• Attachment trauma
• Emotional dysregulation
• Power-seeking behaviour
• Externalised blame
• Entitlement

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🔴 Primary Abuser Behaviour Profiles

1. The Controller

Psychology: Fear + insecurity + dominance
Behaviour: Monitoring, rules, isolation, possessiveness
Core belief: Control = safety

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2. The Exploder

Psychology: Emotional dysregulation + rage
Behaviour: Verbal aggression, intimidation, physical violence
Core belief: Anger = power

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3. The Gaslighter

Psychology: Ego protection + manipulation
Behaviour: Reality distortion, denial, blame shifting
Core belief: Control perception → control people

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4. The Victim Narcissist

Psychology: Shame avoidance + grievance identity
Behaviour: Blame, resentment, emotional coercion
Core belief: My suffering justifies my behaviour

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5. The Obsessive-Paranoid

Psychology: Hypervigilance + fear
Behaviour: Rituals, symbols, suspicion, paranoia
Core belief: Threat is everywhere

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🧬 Neuroscience Comparison

Brain System	Healthy Regulation	Abusive Pattern
Amygdala	Balanced threat detection	Hyper-reactive fear & rage
Prefrontal Cortex	Emotional regulation & impulse control	Suppressed regulation
Nervous System	Flexible stress recovery	Chronic fight / flight
Cortisol	Balanced	Chronically elevated
Dopamine	Stable reward system	Control-based reward seeking

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🚨 Most Dangerous Psychological Combination

🔥 Rage + Control + Obsessive Thinking + Entitlement

This predicts:

• Escalating abuse
• Coercive control
• High violence risk
• Severe psychological injury

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🧠 Why Abusers Target Certain Partners

Abusive personalities often target people who are:

• Empathic
• Emotionally intelligent
• Trauma survivors
• Compassionate
• Deeply relational
• Forgiving

Not because they are weak —
but because they have emotional depth and tolerance.

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❤️ Survivor Reframe (Extremely Important)

If you were trapped in an abusive dynamic:

You were not naïve.
You were not weak.
You were not responsible.

You were conditioned into survival mode.

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🛡 Trauma-Informed Red Flags Checklist

• Early intensity
• Love bombing
• Jealousy framed as love
• Emotional confusion
• Walking on eggshells
• Rapid attachment
• Control disguised as care
• Emotional whiplash

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🌿 Healing & Recovery Focus

Recovery involves:

• Nervous system regulation
• Trauma processing
• Attachment repair
• Boundary rebuilding
• Identity restoration
• Emotional safety restoration

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✨ Final Truth

Abuse is not a relationship problem.
It is a power and control disorder.

Understanding the psychology restores:

• Clarity
• Self-trust
• Protection
• Healing

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