First, an important reframe:
If you feel anxious, angry, hyper-alert, exhausted, or mentally foggy in this situation, you are not “going crazy.”
Your nervous system is responding normally to an abnormal level of prolonged uncertainty and control.
The goal is not to “stay calm.”
The goal is to stay regulated enough to function and protect yourself.
1. Stop Treating This as a Misunderstanding
One of the biggest drains on the nervous system is trying to make sense of behaviour that isn’t meant to make sense.
Silence followed by sudden legal action is not confusion.
It is inconsistency, and inconsistency keeps the brain in threat mode.
From a neuroscience perspective:
- The brain searches for patterns
- When patterns don’t resolve, stress hormones stay elevated
- You burn energy trying to predict what cannot be predicted
So the first step is this:
Stop asking “why” and start naming the pattern.
Naming it reduces cognitive load.
It gives your brain something solid to hold onto.
2. Externalise the Chaos (Get It Out of Your Head)
When everything stays in your mind, your nervous system never gets a break.
Instead:
- Keep a timeline of events (dates, silences, actions)
- Store documents in one controlled place
- Let your lawyer hold the legal strategy
This does two things neurologically:
- It moves information from emotional memory to factual memory
- It gives the prefrontal cortex something concrete to work with
You don’t need to solve everything.
You need to contain it.
3. Limit Exposure to Legal Stressors
Legal communication spikes the nervous system because it signals threat.
So:
- Check emails at set times only
- Do not reread messages repeatedly
- Step away physically after reading (walk, shower, stretch)
Your body needs a clear signal:
“The threat has been noted. We are not in danger right now.”
Regulation is about repetition, not perfection.
4. Expect the Emotional Whiplash (And Stop Judging It)
One day you’ll feel strong.
The next day furious.
The next day exhausted.
Then oddly calm.
This is not instability.
It’s nervous-system cycling after prolonged stress.
Trying to “stay positive” actually backfires.
Instead, aim for:
- grounded
- resourced
- supported
Emotions move faster when they’re allowed.
5. Build Predictability Where You Can
You cannot control the legal process.
But you can control rhythm.
Same wake-up time.
Same walk.
Same music.
Same evening routine.
Predictability tells the brain:
Some parts of life are still safe and reliable.
This matters more than motivation or mindset.
6. Separate Legal Truth From Nervous-System Truth
Legally:
- Delays may be argued
- Responsibility may be disputed
- Timelines may be distorted
But neurologically:
- Your body knows when you’ve been waiting
- Your system knows when effort was blocked
- Your stress response tells a story too
Both can coexist.
One does not cancel the other.
7. Stop Explaining Yourself to People Who Benefit From Confusion
Over-explaining is a trauma response.
It happens when you’re trying to restore fairness.
But explanation does not regulate a coercive dynamic.
It feeds it.
Clarity comes from boundaries, not persuasion.
8. Anchor to What Is Still Yours
Control thrives when everything feels up for grabs.
So anchor yourself daily to:
- your values
- your competence
- your body
- your faith (if applicable)
- your sense of humour (very important)
You are not powerless.
You are temporarily entangled.
There is a difference.
Final Reframe
You are not failing because this is hard.
This is hard because it is designed to be destabilising.
Staying sane in this situation doesn’t mean feeling fine.
It means:
- staying oriented to reality
- protecting your energy
- reducing unnecessary exposure
- trusting that clarity will outlast control
You are not crazy.
You are responding intelligently to prolonged uncertainty.
And that matters.
