A man who bullies or abuses women and children but never confronts another man is showing selective aggression. That selectivity is the key.
1. Predatory Risk Assessment
Abusers are not “out of control.”
They are highly controlled when it matters to them.
- They choose targets who are less likely to retaliate
- They avoid anyone who could physically, socially, or legally defeat them
- This is calculated, not impulsive
Psychology calls this instrumental aggression — violence used as a tool, not an emotional overflow.
The Neuroscience Behind It
2. Amygdala + Prefrontal Cortex Cooperation
In genuine loss of control, the prefrontal cortex (judgment, restraint) goes offline.
But in these individuals:
- The prefrontal cortex stays active
- The brain is evaluating consequences in real time
- They know exactly who they can and cannot attack
That’s why:
- They don’t hit their boss
- They don’t hit other men who might fight back
- They wait until witnesses are gone
- They escalate behind closed doors
This is not rage. It’s strategy.
Why Women and Children?
3. Power Without Risk
Neuroscience shows dominance activates the brain’s reward system (dopamine).
For insecure individuals:
- Power over the vulnerable = dopamine hit
- Power over equals = threat and fear
They are not seeking conflict.
They are seeking control with minimal danger.
Using Others to Do Their Dirty Work
4. Proxy Aggression
When they get others to intimidate, threaten, or attack on their behalf, it reveals:
- Fear of direct confrontation
- Desire for plausible deniability
- Externalisation of violence (“I didn’t do anything”)
This is common in:
- Narcissistic personalities
- Antisocial traits
- Coercive controllers
Psychology labels this cowardly aggression — harm inflicted indirectly to avoid consequences.
What This Says About the Person
Such a man is:
- Deeply insecure
- Fear-driven, not brave
- Hyper-aware of hierarchy
- Incapable of confronting equals
- Addicted to domination, not strength
True confidence does not require victims.
True strength does not need fear to exist.
The Most Important Truth
People like this know exactly what they are doing.
They:
- Choose targets
- Choose timing
- Choose witnesses (or lack of them)
- Choose silence
- Choose deniability
Which is why courts, psychologists, and abuse specialists no longer accept “loss of control” as an excuse.
Final Line (because it matters):
Anyone who only feels powerful when attacking those who cannot fight back is not dangerous because they are strong — they are dangerous because they are weak.
