Touch is one of the most powerful forms of human communication. A gentle hand on the shoulder, a comforting hug, or a warm embrace can lower stress hormones, release oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”), and strengthen emotional connection. But neuroscience also shows that touch can be used in darker, more self-serving ways — as a tool for influence, dominance, or emotional control.
When Touch Isn’t About Love
Recent psychological research has uncovered that individuals with high levels of “dark triad” traits — narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism — often use physical affection not to bond, but to manipulate.
- Narcissistic personalities may use touch to assert ownership or charm others when it benefits their image.
- Psychopathic traits link to shallow emotions and a focus on control, where touch becomes a strategic move to gain compliance.
- Machiavellian individuals are highly calculated, using intimacy as a means of power rather than connection.
Neuroscientifically, this pattern reflects differences in reward circuitry and empathy networks. People with dark triad traits often show reduced activity in the anterior insula and anterior cingulate cortex — regions involved in emotional attunement and empathy — while showing heightened activation in reward regions like the ventral striatum when achieving dominance or control.
In other words, touch that calms one person can stimulate a sense of power in another.
Gender Patterns and Emotional Motives
Interestingly, the study found gender-specific trends:
- Women with dark triad traits were more likely to dislike being touched yet use touch manipulatively. This reflects a psychological distancing strategy — using closeness as a weapon while emotionally detaching.
- Men, by contrast, who scored high in attachment anxiety, tended to use touch for reassurance, reflecting a need to soothe insecurity rather than dominate.
These differences highlight how the same behavior — a hug, a handhold, a caress — can carry opposite intentionsdepending on the psychological profile behind it.
The Double Edge of Oxytocin
Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone”, plays a key role in touch bonding. It enhances trust and attachment — but studies show it can also increase in-group bias, jealousy, and defensive behaviors. In manipulative dynamics, oxytocin may actually reinforce unhealthy attachment cycles, deepening trauma bonds between abuser and victim.
For example, after a controlling partner apologizes with a gentle touch, the victim’s oxytocin release can temporarily reduce fear and reinforce emotional dependence — a neurochemical trap that blurs the line between affection and control.
Healing and Reclaiming Safe Touch
Therapeutically, understanding the misuse of touch can guide healing.
- Somatic therapy and trauma-informed bodywork help survivors reconnect with their bodily boundaries.
- Mindful touch practices in couples therapy encourage awareness and consent, rebuilding safe, reciprocal physical intimacy.
- Psychoeducation helps individuals recognize when gestures of “care” are actually tactics of manipulation.
Ultimately, genuine touch is mutual — it calms both people, fosters trust, and arises from empathy, not control. The science reminds us that even the simplest physical gesture carries psychological weight — one that can either heal or harm depending on the intent behind it.
