Many survivors want to reach out for help, but the very act of calling or using digital tools can feel dangerous if they are being monitored, gaslit, or controlled. The safety piece is critical. Here’s a trauma-informed, practical guide:
🔐 How to Safely Access Digital or Phone-Based Help
1. Assess Your Digital Safety First
- Check device access: If your phone, computer, or tablet was purchased by or shared with the abuser, it may have spyware, tracking apps, or synced accounts.
- Safer devices: If possible, use a friend’s phone, a public library computer, or a workplace device when searching for help.
- Incognito mode: On a browser, use private/incognito mode so your history doesn’t save.
- Clear call logs: After contacting a helpline, delete the number from “recents” or “favorites.” Some phones let you hide numbers under “blocked” or “spam” as a cover.
2. Know the “Quick Exit” Options
- Many domestic abuse helpline websites have a “quick escape” button that immediately redirects you to a neutral page (like weather or news).
- If you’re browsing for resources, keep another tab open (work, school, news) so you can switch fast if someone approaches.
- On mobile, learn the shortcut to lock your screen or return to your home screen instantly.
3. When Calling a Helpline
- Use a safe time: Call when the abuser is away, asleep, or distracted. Even a quick 2–3 minutes can be enough to arrange support.
- Mute background noise: If worried about being overheard, step outside, turn on background noise (TV, running water), or use headphones.
- Code words: Some hotlines let you set up a code phrase (“I’d like to order a pizza”) that signals you are in danger without alerting anyone listening. Ask the helpline in advance if they use these protocols.
4. Text and Chat Options
- If speaking aloud feels risky, many hotlines now offer live chat or SMS/text-based help.
- Example: In the US, you can text “START” to 88788 (National DV Hotline).
- In the UK, you can text “NationalDA” to 60777.
- Text and chat services are less conspicuous, but still be mindful—delete chat logs if your phone is checked.
5. Emergency Planning
- Memorize key numbers: If you fear your phone could be taken, memorize at least one hotline and one trusted friend’s number.
- Code words with friends: Agree on a word or emoji that signals “I’m in danger” or “call the police.”
- Location sharing: If safe, temporarily share your live location with a trusted person via WhatsApp, iMessage, or Google Maps.
6. After Contacting Help
- Delete traces: Clear browsing history, close tabs, delete texts or call logs.
- Passwords & privacy: Change passwords regularly; avoid reusing ones the abuser might guess.
- Cover stories: If the abuser asks why you used your phone or data, have a safe “neutral” explanation ready (checking bus times, reading news, calling a coworker).
💡 Extra Layer of Support
- Use a safety app: Some countries have apps (e.g., Bright Sky in the UK, KADES in Turkey) that disguise themselves as neutral apps but contain hidden emergency resources.
- Lila.help: A global online directory that lists local helplines by country, often available in multiple languages.
🌱 Trauma-Informed Reminder
Reaching out for help is not just about crisis response—it’s about reclaiming your voice and making micro-moves toward safety. Even if you only browse a resource once or memorize a number, that’s already an act of courage and resistance.
