It’s shocking what comes to light decades later. I was told by a reliable source that he once broke his ex-wife’s arm. Decades later, I experienced him attempt the very same thing with me. Abuse isn’t always a “moment in time”—for many abusers, it’s a repeating pattern, a dark thread that runs through their relationships and families.
No one should ever have to live through this kind of violence. Yet far too often, abusers are protected instead of challenged. One of the most painful truths is when children of the abuser defend them. It’s a serious problem—because defending an abuser doesn’t just deny the victim’s reality, it allows the cycle of abuse to continue unchallenged, sometimes for generations.
Why does this happen?
- Denial feels safer than truth. It is incredibly hard to face the fact that a parent is capable of violence.
- Silence is learned. Many children are taught from a young age to keep “family matters private.”
- Trauma shapes loyalty. Sometimes, children feel torn between love for a parent and the painful reality of their actions, choosing loyalty over accountability.
Generational Abuse is Real
Research in psychology and neuroscience shows that trauma doesn’t just disappear when the bruises fade. It can affect the brain, the nervous system, and even be carried into the next generation. Children who grow up with abuse may learn that violence, control, or manipulation are “normal.” Unless the cycle is broken, history repeats itself—just as I saw in my own experience.
Why Speaking Out Matters
When we tell the truth about abuse—even if it happened decades ago—we protect others. Every story brings light into the darkness. Speaking out:
- Validates survivors who were silenced.
- Challenges the excuses and cover-ups.
- Stops abusers from hiding behind the loyalty of others.
A Call for Change
If someone in your family or community tells you about abuse, believe them. Don’t defend the abuser. Don’t bury the story to protect reputations. Protect people, protect safety, protect the next generation.
Generational abuse only continues if silence protects it. Truth-telling is how we break the chain.
✨ Your story matters. Speaking out isn’t just about healing—it’s about making sure no one else has to live through what you did.
