Alright, here’s the 10-point “quiet test” checklist to help you work out if what you had was love, lust, or limerence(that intense, obsessive infatuation).
Read through each point and think about what was true for your connection when the messages, calls, or effort slowed down.
1. Effort After the Spark
- Love: Still shows up — even without excitement or intimacy, they reach out or check in.
- Lust: Little to no effort when physical access isn’t there.
- Limerence: Effort only returns when they’re trying to re-ignite the “chase” or get validation.
2. Comfort in Silence
- Love: The quiet feels safe and natural. You trust they’re still with you emotionally.
- Lust: Quiet feels like the end — you sense it’s over.
- Limerence: Quiet feels unbearable; you obsess over it and crave a “fix.”
3. Depth of Conversation
- Love: Talks include personal stories, feelings, and shared goals.
- Lust: Conversations are mostly about attraction, looks, or sexual tension.
- Limerence: Talks are intense but often idealised, fantasy-driven, and not grounded in reality.
4. Reaction to Your Bad Days
- Love: Offers support, listens, and wants to help.
- Lust: Pulls away when things get emotionally heavy.
- Limerence: Initially comforts you, but loses interest if the fantasy image of you is disrupted.
5. Interest in Your World
- Love: Knows your friends, family, hobbies, and life outside of them.
- Lust: Interest rarely goes beyond the bedroom or physical meet-ups.
- Limerence: Interested in your story only when it’s dramatic or emotionally charged.
6. Ability to Resolve Conflicts
- Love: Tries to talk through misunderstandings, even in silence.
- Lust: Avoids conflict — easier to disappear than work things out.
- Limerence: May create conflict to stir emotions and intensity, then withdraw.
7. Energy When They Return
- Love: Returns with warmth, care, and an interest in you as a whole person.
- Lust: Returns only when the possibility of sex or physical closeness is back.
- Limerence: Returns in a whirlwind of attention, but it fades fast.
8. Long-Term Vision
- Love: Talks about a shared future in realistic, practical ways.
- Lust: No concrete plans — just the next encounter.
- Limerence: Fantasises about a future, but it’s vague or overly romanticised.
9. Consistency Over Time
- Love: Communication might dip but effort remains steady.
- Lust: Intense at first, then tapers off dramatically.
- Limerence: Wild highs and lows, depending on attention and validation cycles.
10. Your Emotional State in the Quiet
- Love: You feel secure, even if you miss them.
- Lust: You feel forgotten or irrelevant.
- Limerence: You feel obsessive, anxious, and desperate for a response.
Scoring Tip:
- Mostly Love answers → It was likely a genuine emotional bond.
- Mostly Lust answers → It was probably attraction-driven and not built for quiet moments.
- Mostly Limerence answers → It was an emotional rollercoaster, more about intensity than stability.
