Ah, the classic “bullshit artist” — the smooth talkers, the excuse-makers, the ones who always seem to have a charming smile and a trail of broken promises behind them.
Let’s talk about people who mess you around — the flaky, inconsistent, emotionally unavailable types who keep you hanging on with vague words, half-hearted actions, and just enough crumbs to keep you guessing. Whether it’s in dating, friendship, work, or even family dynamics, their pattern is often the same: lots of talk, very little walk.
🎭 Who Are These People, Really?
1. The Performers:
They talk a big game — they know all the right things to say and exactly how to say them. They mirror your hopes, your dreams, your desires. But the truth? They’re performing, not relating. They want admiration, not connection.
2. The Avoiders:
They hate confrontation, responsibility, or any kind of emotional depth. So instead, they ghost, cancel last-minute, or say “I’ve just been sooo busy.” They’re not interested in building something real — they’re just avoiding discomfort at your expense.
3. The Manipulators:
They thrive on keeping you unsteady. One day hot, the next day cold. They’ll act like you’re the only one, then disappear. They use confusion to maintain control and avoid accountability. Often, they rely on guilt, charm, or gaslighting to keep you hooked.
4. The Wounded (but Unaware):
Sometimes, people genuinely don’t realize the damage they do. They’re acting out of unresolved trauma, fear of intimacy, or deep insecurity. But even if it’s unintentional, it still hurts — and it’s not your job to be their emotional rehab centre.
🚩 Red Flags They’re Full of It
- “Let’s catch up soon” but never actually do
- Always making vague future plans that never happen
- Giving you just enough attention to keep you around
- Ghosting and breadcrumbing, then acting like nothing happened
- Blaming others (or the universe) for why they can’t show up
- They say one thing but do the complete opposite
- They always have an excuse — work, family, stress, moon phases…
💥 Why It’s So Draining
Dealing with people who mess you around is emotionally exhausting because:
- You’re investing energy into potential, not reality
- You start second-guessing yourself — “Am I expecting too much?”
- You feel unseen, unheard, and undervalued
- You may even start adjusting your standards to fit their limitations
This isn’t love, friendship, or respect — it’s limbo. And it slowly eats away at your self-worth.
🧠 The Psychology Behind It
Often, these people are not deliberately trying to hurt you. Many are emotionally immature, avoidant, narcissistic, or simply unsure of what they want — but they still want the benefits of your presence. They just don’t want to commit to the responsibilities of a real connection. They’re not bad people, necessarily — just not healthy ones for you.
You deserve:
- Consistency over intensity
- Clarity over confusion
- Truth over charm
- Actions over promises
✨ What to Do About It
- Call it what it is. Stop giving excuses for their behaviour. See the pattern.
- Step back. Detach emotionally and observe what they do, not what they say.
- Set boundaries. If they show up late (or not at all), if they flake, or if they disappear — let them know that’s not acceptable.
- Don’t try to fix them. That’s not your job. You’re not their emotional support animal.
- Choose people who choose you. Simple as that. It’s not about being “too much”; it’s about being with someone who says, “This is exactly what I’ve been looking for.”
“Some people are full of charm, full of words, full of promises — but also full of shit. Pay attention to who’s consistent, not who’s convenient. You’re not hard to love; you’ve just been wasting love on people who were never ready for it.”
