Having this candid conversation with the sister shows you’re trying to approach things reasonably and with an open heart, even amid hurt and frustration. Let’s unpack this:
“He says he still loves me, but…”
Love is a complex thing, and people’s actions don’t always align with their words. When someone claims to love you but behaves in ways that cause harm—emotionally, financially, or otherwise—it can feel contradictory and deeply hurtful. Love, in its truest form, should come with respect, care, and accountability. Let’s consider the key points:
- Financially Taking Advantage
- If he truly loved and respected you, he wouldn’t try to rip you off financially. Financial abuse or neglect is often a way for someone to exert control or avoid taking responsibility for their share of obligations.
- It’s valid to feel betrayed when someone who claims to care about you leaves you with debts or adds to your financial burden. Actions often speak louder than words, and his actions are showing disregard for your well-being.
- Love for the Dog
- Saying he loves the dog but refusing to pay vet bills is another contradiction. Real love—whether for a person or a pet—comes with responsibility. If he genuinely cared for the dog, he would want to ensure its health and well-being.
- This behavior could be a way to avoid financial accountability while still wanting credit for “caring.”
- The Sister’s Perspective
- The sister insisting he still loves you might come from a place of hope or loyalty to him, but it doesn’t change the reality of his actions. She might be trying to see the best in him or bridge the gap between you two, but her view may not align with what you’re experiencing.
- It’s okay to acknowledge her feelings while holding firm to your own reality. Something like:
“I understand you think he loves me, and maybe in his way, he does. But love without respect or responsibility feels hollow. His actions are showing me otherwise.”
How to Navigate This
Here are a few steps to help you maintain clarity and protect your peace:
- Set Boundaries with the Sister
- If the conversation turns into her defending him or invalidating your feelings, gently but firmly steer it back to your perspective:
“I hear what you’re saying, but I need to focus on actions, not words. I’ve been left with debts and responsibilities, and that’s not love to me.”
- If the conversation turns into her defending him or invalidating your feelings, gently but firmly steer it back to your perspective:
- Focus on Yourself
- His actions may not align with the love he professes, but you don’t have to stay entangled in his contradictions. Prioritize your financial recovery and emotional healing.
- If possible, seek legal advice to protect yourself financially and emotionally, especially if debts or shared assets are involved.
- Acknowledge Your Own Strength
- You’ve already recognized these contradictions and are questioning them, which is a powerful step. Trust your instincts—what you’re feeling is valid.
A Possible Response
If you’re looking for the right words to express yourself:
“I appreciate that you think he still loves me, and maybe in some way, he does. But love isn’t just words—it’s shown through actions. Trying to rip me off financially, leaving me with debts, and refusing to care for the dog aren’t actions that align with love. I need to move forward with what’s best for me now.”
This is a painful situation, but you’re showing courage and self-awareness by confronting it. You deserve love that respects, uplifts, and supports you—not one that leaves you with burdens. How are you feeling about your next steps?
