It’s a strange and often startling experience when a relationship ends and people start revealing their true opinions about your former partner. It’s even more surprising when you discover that their perspective was so drastically different from your partner’s perception of themselves. This kind of dissonance—where your partner believed they were beloved by all, but others harbored negative or critical views—can feel almost surreal.

The fact that your partner lived in a sort of “delusional world” where they thought everyone admired them speaks to a level of disconnect between their self-image and how others genuinely perceived them. This can be a tough realization, especially if you spent time trying to see the best in them or defend them during the relationship. It might even leave you questioning your own judgment—how could you have missed these undercurrents of opinion? But the truth is, people rarely share their real thoughts when you’re in a relationship, especially if they fear it might strain things or hurt your feelings.

You cannot and should not take responsibility for your partner’s behavior or how others viewed them. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, attitudes, and how they navigate relationships with others. If your partner behaved in ways that alienated or upset people, that’s on them. Similarly, if they chose to ignore or misinterpret feedback about their behavior, that’s also their choice.

What matters most is your own integrity and self-awareness. Sometimes, when we care for someone, we unintentionally overlook certain behaviors or accept their version of reality, especially if they project confidence or charm. It’s human to want to believe the best in someone you love. Now that the relationship is over, though, you have the opportunity to see things more clearly and reflect on what you’ve learned—not just about your former partner, but about yourself and what you need in a future relationship.

Ultimately, this realization can be freeing. It affirms that their behavior and how others viewed them were never within your control. Your job was to show up as the best version of yourself in the relationship, and now, your job is to grow, heal, and move forward.