Forcing someone to relive trauma, especially when they weren’t present for it, and causing them significant emotional harm—can be deeply troubling. There are several reasons why someone might engage in such harmful behavior, though none of them justify the emotional damage inflicted. Understanding their motivations may help shed light on the dynamics of the situation, though it’s important to remember that this kind of behavior is wrong and damaging.

Possible Reasons:

1. Manipulation or Control: Some individuals might repeatedly bring up traumatic events as a way to dominate or control the vulnerable person. By keeping them emotionally destabilized, the abuser can maintain power over them. This is a common dynamic in abusive relationships, where trauma is used to isolate the victim or make them dependent on the abuser for emotional support, even though they are the source of the distress.
2. Lack of Emotional Boundaries: The person telling the story might have unresolved trauma themselves and, instead of processing it in healthy ways, they project their unresolved pain onto others. They may lack awareness of how much harm they’re causing, but this behavior still reflects a disregard for the emotional safety of the other person. In these cases, the storyteller’s pain becomes toxic to those around them.
3. Sadistic Tendencies or Emotional Cruelty: Unfortunately, some individuals derive satisfaction from the suffering of others. Whether through malice or sadistic pleasure, they may intentionally evoke distress in a vulnerable person to watch them suffer or feel superior. These people are often emotionally abusive and may lack empathy, seeing others as objects to manipulate rather than as individuals with their own rights and feelings.
4. Misguided Attempts to “Help”: Sometimes, people believe that forcing someone to confront trauma repeatedly will somehow help them “get over it” or “heal.” However, this belief is based on a misunderstanding of how trauma works. Forcing someone to relive traumatic experiences, especially in an unsafe or uncontrolled way, can retraumatize them and cause deeper psychological harm. It is not the same as therapeutic exposure, which is conducted by trained professionals in a safe, supportive environment.
5. Projection: Some individuals may project their own pain onto others as a way of offloading their emotional burden. They might not even realize they’re doing it, but by sharing their trauma, they create a mirror where they can externalize their feelings. Unfortunately, in this case, the vulnerable person becomes the receptacle for those unresolved emotions, bearing the weight of someone else’s pain.
6. Lack of Empathy or Narcissism: People who lack empathy or are narcissistically inclined may simply not care about the emotional well-being of the vulnerable person. They might tell traumatic stories for their own benefit—either to gain attention, evoke sympathy for themselves, or feel validated—without considering the harm it does to the other person. Narcissistic individuals often disregard the emotional needs of others, focusing solely on how the conversation makes them feel.

The Impact on the Vulnerable Person

For the person being repeatedly exposed to these stories, the emotional toll can be devastating. Trauma has a way of embedding itself in the mind, and even hearing about it repeatedly can lead to secondary trauma, also known as vicarious trauma. This can manifest as depression, anxiety, dissociation, and, in extreme cases, suicidal ideation.

The vulnerable person may feel overwhelmed by emotions that aren’t even their own. They might begin to internalize the trauma as if it were their own experience, especially if they’re already in a fragile emotional state. This is why it’s so important for trauma to be handled with care, ideally in a therapeutic setting where the person can process their emotions safely and with support.

What Kind of Person Does This?

The type of person who engages in this behavior could fit into a few different psychological profiles:

• Abusers: Individuals who thrive on control, domination, and emotional manipulation. They might see the vulnerable person as weak and exploit their sensitivity.
• Emotionally Unaware Individuals: People who lack insight into their own emotional world and, as a result, project their pain onto others.
• Narcissists: People who are deeply self-centered and exploit others’ emotions for attention or validation, with little regard for the other person’s well-being.
• Trauma Survivors with Poor Boundaries: People who have their own unprocessed trauma and inadvertently harm others because they haven’t learned how to manage their pain.

Why Would Someone Do This?

The reasons can range from pure malice to misguided attempts at sharing their own pain. Regardless of the motivation, this behavior reveals a disregard for the emotional safety of the vulnerable person. It can stem from:

• Unresolved Trauma: They might not know how to cope with their trauma and force it onto others.
• Need for Control: Some people derive a sense of power by making others feel unstable or dependent.
• Lack of Emotional Intelligence: They may not recognize or understand the impact of their words and actions.
• Emotional Sadism: For a small subset of people, inflicting emotional pain gives them a perverse sense of pleasure.

The Importance of Boundaries and Support

In situations like these, it’s crucial to establish firm boundaries with the person who’s causing harm. The vulnerable individual may need outside support, such as therapy, to help navigate and heal from the emotional damage that’s been inflicted.

If you or someone you know is dealing with this situation, it may also be helpful to reach out to a trauma-informed therapist, support group, or even a crisis helpline to create a safety net. No one should be forced to endure this kind of emotional abuse.

Copyright © Linda C J Turner 2023 LindaCJTurner.com  All Rights Reserved.

All content on this website, including text, images, graphics, and other material, is protected by copyright law and is the property of Linda C J Turner unless otherwise stated. Unauthorized use or reproduction of the content in any form is prohibited.