There is a point in some relationships when a woman stops explaining. Not because she suddenly stopped caring. Not because she found someone else. Not because she wants you to chase her. And certainly not because she has become cold. Sometimes, her silence is what happens when she has finally run out of words. She… Read More When She Goes Silent: The Woman Who Finally Stopped Trying
Last night, I sat on my roof terrace with a glass of wine, some delicious Belgian chocolates bought for me by two lovely friends, and one of the most beautiful views I could imagine. I looked across at the house where I used to live. And I found myself asking a very simple question: “What… Read More Everything Comes to Those Who Wait
One of the simplest ways to get ahead in life is to become the person people are glad to deal with. Not because you say yes to everything. Not because you allow people to walk all over you. And certainly not because you abandon your boundaries. Being easy to deal with means being pleasant, respectful, reasonable and… Read More Be Easy to Deal With
From a neuroscience perspective, abuse involves changes in the brain and nervous system of both the person being abused and, potentially, the person carrying out the abuse—but we have to be careful not to suggest that there is a single “abuser brain.” People become abusive through complex interactions among learning, personality, emotion regulation, beliefs, environment and… Read More What can happen in the abuser’s brain during abusive behaviour?
What an abuser may experience psychologically while they are insulting, threatening or physically intimidating someone, there isn’t one universal emotional response. But certain patterns are commonly associated with abusive behaviour. One important distinction is that abuse isn’t necessarily about losing control. In many situations, intimidation is actually being used to gain control. And that leads to a… Read More Anger and entitlement
One of the most difficult things to explain about abuse is how quickly it can change a person’s sense of themselves. It can happen in minutes. A person who was confident, capable and independent can suddenly find themselves frightened, confused, humiliated and desperately trying to make sense of what is happening. It isn’t because they… Read More How an Abuser Can Make You Feel Like Nothing
For years, whenever I went on holiday or out socially, I found myself watching other couples. Not in a judgemental way. I was fascinated. I noticed the softness in their faces when they looked at each other. The laughter. The casual touching. A hand resting gently on an arm. A kiss as they passed each… Read More When Affection Once Looked Alien
There are several evidence-based approaches to treating trauma. The most appropriate treatment depends on the type of trauma, whether the danger has ended, the person’s symptoms, and whether the trauma was single-event or prolonged/complex. Main treatments for trauma For complex or prolonged trauma Treatment often needs to be phased rather than simply focused on the traumatic memory… Read More Main treatments for trauma
Trauma is not defined only by what happened; it also involves how the nervous system and mind respond to what happened. Different types of trauma Another useful distinction Trauma can also be described according to duration: Single-event trauma → repeated trauma → prolonged trauma → complex trauma And according to source: Accidental → interpersonal → relational →… Read More Trauma is not defined only by what happened
Different types of abuse An important point Abuse is often a pattern rather than one isolated incident. A person may experience several forms simultaneously—for example, physical violence combined with financial abuse, sexual coercion, isolation, gaslighting and coercive control. And abuse is not always visible. Some of the most damaging forms can leave no physical marks while profoundly… Read More Different types of abuse
Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Emotional Healing Specialist 