I do not need to write letters. I do not need to explain myself. I do not need permission.
The people closest to the situation have already seen the abuse — long before I entered the picture. They witnessed it with their own mother. They know. Silence, denial, or pretending I never existed does not erase what their nervous systems have already registered.
This is not avoidance on my part. It is completion.
What Abuse Does to the Brain
Chronic emotional abuse is not a misunderstanding or a communication issue — it is a repeated threat signal to the nervous system.
From a neuroscience perspective:
- The amygdala stays activated, scanning constantly for danger.
- The prefrontal cortex goes offline under prolonged stress, making clear thinking and decision-making harder.
- The hippocampus (memory integration) fragments experiences, which is why abuse often feels confusing, circular, and hard to explain.
When someone lives around ongoing abuse, their nervous system adapts in one of two ways:
- Hypervigilance (watching, managing, appeasing)
- Dissociation or denial (not seeing, not naming, staying silent)
Neither response means the abuse didn’t happen. It means the brain chose survival.
Why I Will Not Explain Myself
Explaining yourself to people who already know is not communication — it is self-betrayal.
From a trauma-informed lens, being asked to repeatedly justify leaving abuse:
- Recreates the original power imbalance
- Forces the survivor to relive and narrate harm
- Keeps the nervous system in a threat-and-defense loop
Boundaries are not punishments. They are neurobiological safety decisions.
Silence from others does not obligate me to speak.
Denial Is a Coping Strategy — Not My Responsibility
Some people remain silent because naming abuse would require them to:
- Acknowledge past harm they couldn’t stop
- Confront loyalty conflicts
- Disrupt a family system built on minimization
Denial is often less painful than truth — especially for bystanders.
But denial is their nervous system strategy, not my burden to carry.
The Cycle Continues — Until Someone Leaves
Abuse patterns rarely stop with one person.
Without accountability, they repeat — with new partners, new witnesses, the same nervous system dynamics.
Leaving does not guarantee the cycle ends.
Leaving guarantees I am no longer inside it.
That is not abandonment. That is regulation.
Completion Is Not Closure — It’s Safety
Closure suggests a conversation.
Completion is a decision.
From a neuroscience perspective, healing begins when:
- The threat is removed
- The body no longer braces for impact
- The nervous system is allowed to return to baseline
I am no longer available for abuse, explanations, or emotional negotiations that keep harm alive.
This is not bitterness.
This is biological wisdom.
Final Word
I am done with abuse.
Not someday.
Not conditionally.
Not with footnotes or justifications.
Finished.
