Therapy is for truth.
Law is for proof.
Public statements are for boundaries.
You do not owe full truth to every arena.
1. What to keep THERAPEUTIC ONLY
These are essential for healing but usually not necessary or wise to share publicly or legally.
Keep in therapy:
- Your emotional reactions (panic, shame, confusion)
- How messages triggered PTSD symptoms
- Inner dialogue (“I felt crazy”, “I doubted myself”)
- Childhood or historical links
- Hypotheses about motives or personality
- Raw, unprocessed thoughts
- Vulnerability details that could be exploited
📌 Why:
- This material is contextual, not evidential
- It can be misinterpreted or weaponised
- It belongs to your inner recovery, not scrutiny
✔️ You can show the messages to your psychologist
❌ You don’t need to turn your pain into exhibits
2. What to share with your LAWYER
Your lawyer needs behaviour + pattern + impact, not emotional depth.
Share with your lawyer:
- Actual texts, emails, WhatsApps (unaltered)
- Frequency and escalation patterns
- Dates/times
- Who sent them
- Any threats, humiliation, accusations, pressure
- Any references to the restrained person
- Evidence of proxy contact
- Clear boundaries you set (or restraining order existence)
Optional but helpful:
- Brief note on impact (fear, distress, sleep disruption)
- Confirmation of PTSD / DV context (not details)
📌 Think: “Would this help a judge understand the pattern?”
3. What to name PUBLICLY or to others
Public naming is not therapeutic and not legal strategy — it’s boundary signalling.
Only name publicly if:
- You must protect yourself reputationally
- Silence could be framed as agreement
- A professional setting requires clarity
If you do, keep it:
- Factual
- Minimal
- Non-emotional
- Non-diagnostic
Example:
“I experienced repeated harassment and indirect contact despite a restraining order. I am addressing this through appropriate legal channels.”
No stories. No details. No defence.
4. How to show messages safely
To your psychologist:
- You can show everything
- Focus on impact and meaning
- Use them to reclaim reality
To your lawyer:
- Show only relevant messages
- Let the messages speak
- Avoid commentary in the messages themselves
Do NOT:
- Annotate emotionally
- Explain yourself inside message threads
- Respond to provocations “for clarity”
Silence + records > explanations.
5. Simple decision filter
Ask:
- Is this for healing, or for protection?
- Does this prove behaviour, or express pain?
- Would sharing this increase or reduce my safety?
If it’s about pain → therapy
If it’s about pattern → lawyer
If it’s about boundaries → minimal public wording
6. Copy-ready note to a lawyer
Writing
I am sharing selected messages that demonstrate a pattern of harassment, humiliation, and indirect contact by family members despite an active restraining order. I have additional communications that I have discussed therapeutically but am not including here as they are not necessary for evidentiary purposes. Please let me know if you require anything further.
7. One grounding truth
You are allowed to heal in private and protect yourself in public.
You do not need to bleed in every room to be believed.
