Trauma changes the way we interpret the world. It alters our nervous system, sharpens our senses, and teaches us to scan for danger even when none exists. But paradoxically, trauma can also make us misread situations, trust too quickly, or cling to the first sign of kindness we see.
If you’ve ever felt like you “should have known better,” or that you “saw the red flags but ignored them,” you’re not alone. These patterns aren’t faults — they’re survival responses. And they can be rewired.
How Trauma Distorts Perception
When you’re still healing, your brain operates in heightened awareness:
- You listen intensely, hoping to catch meaning between the lines.
- You trust too fast, craving stability or reassurance.
- You over-interpret small signs, trying to predict the next emotional hit.
- You attach to people who show temporary warmth, because it feels safer than being alone.
Your brain isn’t trying to harm you — it’s trying to protect you based on old models. But those old models no longer match your current reality.
Why We Give Trust Too Easily
People with unresolved trauma often:
- confuse intensity with safety
- mistake attention for intention
- cling to “potential” instead of patterns
- overlook inconsistencies because they fear abandonment
- believe they must earn love rather than receive it freely
This isn’t weakness. It’s conditioning.
Healing Begins With the Company You Keep
You cannot heal in environments that resemble the wounds you came from. And you cannot rebuild trust if you surround yourself with people who break it.
Healing becomes possible when you choose:
- people who show consistency, not just charm
- people who speak with honesty, not flattery
- people who are emotionally responsible, not draining
- people who value clarity, not confusion
- people who respect boundaries, not push them
Real, trustworthy people don’t require you to work for their approval. They don’t make you guess. They make you feel safe simply by being who they are.
And If You Can’t Find Those People Yet…
Then choose yourself.
Choose solitude.
Choose silence that allows your nervous system to settle.
Being alone is not a punishment. It is clarity. It is space. It is the moment your brain relearns what safety feels like.
When you spend time with yourself — without chaos, manipulation, or emotional noise — you begin to recalibrate. You rebuild your intuition. You learn the difference between peace and danger. You rediscover the version of you that trauma buried.
Relearning Trust Is a Slow, Beautiful Process
It looks like:
- listening to your body instead of overriding it
- slowing down instead of rushing into emotional intensity
- observing people’s patterns instead of their promises
- choosing consistent kindness over unpredictable passion
- trusting yourself before trusting others
Healing isn’t about becoming harder.
It’s about becoming clearer.
When you surround yourself with honest people — or choose to walk alone until they arrive — you give yourself the opportunity to finally experience relationships that feel safe, steady, and true.
By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate — Linda C J Turner Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment ©Linda C J Turner
