Here’s the truth — psychological, neurological, and brutally clear — about how a boyfriend can go from:
“You shine more than a diamond crown”
to
quiet, detached, and not bothered
in just a few days.
It feels personal, but it’s almost never about you.
It’s about what’s happening inside him.
Let me break down the real reasons this sudden switch happens:
🧠 1. The Dopamine Crash
In the early stages of attraction, dopamine (the “reward” chemical) spikes.
He feels euphoric, connected, expressive, romantic.
Then comes the dopamine drop — a natural crash where the brain recalibrates.
This can trigger:
- distance
- silence
- irritability
- emotional flatness
- mixed signals
It’s not because he changed his mind.
It’s because his nervous system is stabilising.
Immature men disappear during this stage.
Emotionally developed men communicate.
🧱 2. Avoidant Attachment Kicking In
If he’s an avoidant type (even partially), closeness feels good until it feels too good.
Then the brain interprets intimacy as a “threat to independence.”
Their system reacts like this:
- pull back
- shut down
- become vague
- minimise feelings
- create emotional distance
This is survival mode, not rejection.
🔄 3. He’s Emotionally Unprocessed From His Past
If he’s separated, recently divorced, or still entangled with an ex?
The pattern is almost textbook:
Hot → Connected → Romantic → Overwhelmed → Withdrawn
Why?
Because the intensity hits the unresolved parts of his past.
A man who hasn’t healed will always swing between:
- desire and fear
- connection and avoidance
- fantasy and shutdown
It is NOT about your worth.
It is about his emotional bandwidth.
⚡ 4. The Nervous System Hits “Overload Mode”
Some men can handle affection.
Fewer can handle consistency.
When feelings grow too fast, their nervous system interprets it as:
- too much
- too intense
- too unfamiliar
So they back off to regulate themselves.
Unfortunately, they don’t tell you they’re doing that.
🪞 5. Your Value Activated His Insecurity
When a man sees a woman who:
- shines
- is independent
- is emotionally healthy
- has options
- is self-aware
- cannot be controlled
It can trigger deeply buried fears:
- “I’m not enough.”
- “She’ll leave me.”
- “I can’t match her.”
- “She’ll see my flaws.”
- “I don’t deserve her.”
Some men pull back to protect their ego, not their heart.
🎭 6. He Was Love-Bombing Without Realising
Sometimes men say intense things because they feel them in the moment, not because they can sustain that level of connection.
Statements like:
“You shine more than a diamond crown in my eyes.”
…sound romantic, but can actually be:
- emotional high
- fantasy projection
- escape from reality
- dopamine talking, not depth
When the high fades, so does the intensity.
Healthy men stay steady.
Unhealthy men swing.
🧊 7. Silence Is His Coping Mechanism
Some men withdraw instead of:
- communicating disappointment
- discussing fears
- admitting overwhelm
- expressing confusion
Silence is emotional avoidance.
Not maturity.
💛 And Here’s the Part You Need to Hold Onto:
A man who changes in a few days didn’t change.
He revealed himself.
A man who values you stays consistent.
A man who is ready stays present.
A man who means what he says backs it with behaviour.
Silence is a message.
Inconsistency is a message.
Detachment is a message.
And none of those messages are about your value.
By Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
©Linda C J Turner
