By Linda C. J. Turner | Trauma Therapist & Neuroscience Practitioner
There’s nothing like the rush of good news — a personal win, a joyous moment, a milestone you’ve worked for. You feel elated, alive, and eager to share it with someone you care about.
And then… silence.
A lukewarm response. A “goodnight.” No excitement, no curiosity, no shared joy.
It stings. Because you weren’t asking for anything — not gifts, favors, or validation. You were simply offering your joy to someone you trust.
1. The Psychology of Emotional Contagion
Humans are wired for emotional resonance. When we share joy, dopamine and oxytocin are released — not just for us, but for those we’re connected to.
When a close friend or partner fails to mirror your excitement, it can trigger feelings of rejection, disappointment, or even loneliness.
Your brain interprets the cold response as social “threat” — even though you’re not asking for anything tangible — because our nervous systems treat emotional neglect as meaningful feedback.
2. Why Some People Don’t Respond
There are many reasons a loved one might not react as you hope:
- Emotional bandwidth: They may be tired, stressed, or preoccupied.
- Attachment patterns: Some people struggle to celebrate others’ success due to insecurity, jealousy, or fear of being overshadowed.
- Self-regulation differences: Not everyone’s nervous system is attuned to match emotional highs — especially if they’ve experienced trauma or emotional scarcity.
Notice: this is about them, not you. Your excitement is valid, and your joy is real.
3. The Neural Impact of Being Dismissed
When someone fails to respond warmly to your positive news, your brain can:
- Register a mild stress response in the amygdala.
- Release cortisol, triggering subtle feelings of rejection or self-doubt.
- Temporarily reduce oxytocin and the “reward” feeling of sharing.
This isn’t dramatic — it’s your nervous system saying: “I reached for connection; the connection didn’t meet me.”
4. Reclaiming Your Joy
You don’t need validation to celebrate your own wins.
- Pause and breathe: Let your nervous system process your excitement independently.
- Self-celebration: Share with someone or something that truly resonates — a journal, a community, or even your own reflection.
- Recognize patterns: If cold responses are consistent, it’s not about your joy — it’s about their capacity for empathy or celebration.
Joy is contagious, but it cannot be forced. Protect it by choosing who you share it with, and honor your feelings regardless of others’ responses.
Takeaway:
Your happiness is yours first. When someone doesn’t meet your excitement, it’s a reflection of them, not a measure of your worth. Celebrate anyway. Celebrate fully. Your nervous system — and your soul — will thank you.
