Why “Everyone Lies” Should Never Be an Excuse
When someone says, “Everyone lies,” they’re not describing human imperfection — they’re normalizing deception.
It’s a quiet way of lowering the bar for integrity, and it signals that truth will not be the shared language of the relationship.
1. The Psychology of Trust
Trust is built on predictability and transparency.
When partners are honest, the brain’s prefrontal cortex (responsible for logic and judgment) and anterior cingulate cortex (which detects conflict) stay in harmony.
You feel safe, calm, and emotionally regulated.
But when someone lies — even about small things — your brain senses incongruence: their words and energy don’t match.
That triggers the amygdala, your internal alarm system, leading to tension, anxiety, and hypervigilance.
Over time, that physiological stress becomes emotional exhaustion.
2. The Neuroscience of Honesty vs. Lying
- Honesty activates the social bonding system — oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine flow more freely when communication feels authentic.
- Dishonesty activates the threat response — the liar’s brain may show guilt or anxiety at first, but repeated lying dulls that response (desensitization of the amygdala).
For the listener, this creates a confusing loop: their intuition feels danger, but their mind wants to believe the words.
That’s why chronic lying can lead to cognitive dissonance — your body knows the truth before your brain admits it.
3. “Everyone Lies” — The Red Flag
When someone shrugs and says “Everyone lies”, they’re:
- Justifying avoidance — admitting they’d rather distort than face discomfort.
- Projecting — assuming others are as dishonest as they are.
- Prepping you — subtly conditioning you to accept future deceit.
That statement is a deflection, not a truth.
It signals that honesty, accountability, and repair will likely be absent when things get difficult.
4. The Psychology of Safe Love
Healthy relationships are built on emotional attunement — the sense that your feelings and experiences are seen and respected.
Honesty allows that alignment. It tells the nervous system: “You can relax; you’re not being manipulated.”
Psychologist Carl Rogers called this “congruence” — the state of inner and outer truth matching.
Without congruence, love becomes performance, not partnership.
5. The Takeaway
“Honesty isn’t about perfection — it’s about safety.”
When you meet someone who believes that lies are inevitable, take note.
They’re revealing how they manage fear, guilt, and vulnerability.
And if they normalize dishonesty, they’re telling you that truth won’t be sacred in the relationship.
6. The Neuropsychological Truth
In a trusting relationship:
- The amygdala rests.
- The vagus nerve signals safety.
- The prefrontal cortex stays engaged — allowing empathy, problem-solving, and intimacy.
Honesty literally changes how your brain and body experience love.
Lies, no matter how small, rewire that connection into uncertainty and survival mode.
