The term comes from Daniel Goleman (author of Emotional Intelligence) and refers to moments when the limbic system — the emotional center of the brain — overrides the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for logic, reasoning, and self-control.
In simpler terms:
The emotional brain takes the driver’s seat, while the rational brain gets locked in the trunk.
🧩 The Brain Areas Involved
- Amygdala (emotional alarm system)
- Detects threats, rejection, humiliation, or perceived loss of control.
- When it senses danger or shame, it fires rapidly, often before the rational brain has processed the facts.
- Prefrontal Cortex (the “brakes”)
- Governs impulse control, planning, and judgment.
- In emotionally dysregulated people (especially those with trauma, personality disorders, or attachment wounds), this region under-functions or goes offline under stress.
- HPA Axis (stress system)
- The amygdala activates the hypothalamus–pituitary–adrenal system → releasing cortisol and adrenaline.
- This biochemical surge narrows attention, speeds up heart rate, and primes the body for action — not reflection.
⚡ Why It Happens: The Deep Causes
- Early Trauma or Attachment Wounds
- Chronic fear, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving in childhood wires the limbic system to be hyper-reactive.
- The amygdala becomes oversensitive, seeing danger or rejection where none exists.
- The prefrontal cortex doesn’t develop strong enough “brakes” because it’s constantly overridden by survival stress.
- Shame and Control Loops
- For some abusers, being rejected or having limits placed on them triggers intense shame or loss of control, which the brain experiences as a threat.
- Instead of tolerating that emotion, they react impulsively — to regain power or avoid feeling helplessagain.
- Addictive Brain Circuits
- Obsessive pursuit of the victim can mirror addiction.
- Dopamine and oxytocin systems get dysregulated — the person becomes chemically attached to the relationship drama, craving the emotional highs and lows.
- Deficits in Emotional Regulation
- Underdeveloped prefrontal-limbic pathways mean they cannot calm their internal state without external control (the victim’s attention, confrontation, or fear).
- When that’s removed, they escalate — trying to restore the old pattern.
🔄 The Cycle in the Brain
- Trigger (rejection, boundary, silence)
- Amygdala activation (“I’m losing control”)
- Cortisol/adrenaline surge (fight–flight–fixate)
- Prefrontal shutdown (logic gone, empathy offline)
- Impulsive behavior (contact, stalk, violate order)
- Aftermath: shame + self-hate → anxiety → another trigger → repeat.
Over time, this neurocircuit becomes conditioned — a loop of emotional compulsion and temporary relief. Each violation actually reinforces the pathway through dopamine reward, even if the outcome is negative.
🧘♀️ In contrast: The Regulated Brain
A healthy brain uses prefrontal–limbic balance:
- The amygdala sends an alarm.
- The prefrontal cortex checks the facts, pauses, and chooses a safe, rational response.
- Emotional energy is metabolized instead of acted out.
That’s what trauma recovery and self-regulation training aim to restore — connection between emotional charge and rational control.
