You heard it over and over:
“They’re trying to control you.”
Your family. Your friends. Anyone who cared about you —
he cast them all as the enemy.

But in truth, it was never them.
It was him.

Psychologically, this is a classic tactic of projection — one of the most common defense mechanisms in controlling or narcissistic personalities.
Projection happens when a person cannot tolerate seeing their own behavior, so they attribute it to someone else.
The manipulator becomes the “protector,”
and the real danger hides behind the mask of concern.

In reality, what he was doing was isolation, the foundation of coercive control.
By convincing you that others were trying to “control” or “influence” you,
he created mistrust between you and everyone who could protect you.
That isolation gave him total access to your time, emotions, and perception of truth.

Neuroscience reveals how this works in the brain.
When someone is repeatedly told that trusted people are unsafe, the amygdala — the brain’s fear center — becomes hypersensitive.
Over time, your nervous system starts to associate family or friends with anxiety rather than comfort.
Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for logic and perspective, becomes overridden by fear conditioning.
You begin to doubt your instincts and rely more on the abuser’s version of reality.

This is how psychological captivity begins —
not with visible chains, but with invisible narratives.

And here’s what’s most revealing about this type of person:
They cannot share power — emotionally, socially, or psychologically.
To them, connection feels like competition.
Your independence triggers their insecurity.
Your relationships threaten their control.

So they do what all fragile egos do — they rewrite the story.
“They’re trying to control you.”
When in truth, it’s they who are doing the controlling,
and you who are slowly being cut off from your own life.

But here’s the turning point:
once you see the pattern, the spell breaks.
Your brain begins to rebuild trust — first in yourself, then in others.
The fear pathways quiet down,
and the circuits of autonomy and belonging reignite.

Freedom doesn’t begin when they stop controlling you.
It begins the moment you recognize who the controller really was.