By: Someone Who’s Finally Had Enough
There comes a time in every survivor’s life when you stop asking “Why did he do that?” and start asking “Why is his stuff still here?”
So here we are: armed with a bin bag, a Spotify delete button, and the sudden realisation that neuroscience has been on our side all along.
Step 1: The Emotional Landmine Removal Squad
Psychology tells us that abusers love to leave souvenirs — anniversary cards, “special” playlists, and that Rumer CD he played on loop like it was the national anthem of dysfunction.
Neurologically, these little relics are limbic system booby traps.
Every time you see them, your brain’s emotional memory center lights up like Times Square, flooding you with old feelings you never asked for.
Solution? Treat them like expired milk — sniff, gag, bin.
Step 2: Delete, Delete, Delete
Music is powerful — it ties into the hippocampus and auditory cortex, storing emotional memories with VIP access.
That’s why one Adele song can send you from zero to why did I ever love him? in under 3 seconds.
So yes, delete the playlist. Burn it if you have to (metaphorically — Spotify frowns on arson).
Replace it with a “Freedom Mix” that makes your brain release dopamine without the emotional hangover.
Step 3: Cupboard Archaeology
Opening drawers in post-abuser life is like playing archaeologist meets horror story:
- Anniversary card from 2021: emotional guilt grenade.
- Random missing sock: possibly unrelated, but you never know.
- Weird trinket you didn’t buy: part of his “leave a mark” collection.
Neuroscience note: Clearing these items helps your amygdala calm down because it removes visual reminders of past threats. Translation — the house stops feeling haunted.
Step 4: Mattress Purge
We don’t even need to go into detail here.
If it’s something you’ve slept on while he was still in the picture, flipping it or replacing it can be a somatic reset for your body.
Your nervous system records safety cues — change the environment, and you teach your brain “This place is safe now.”
Step 5: The Psych Profile
Why do they do this? Because:
- They want to keep a psychological fingerprint on your life.
- They believe you’ll never truly be free of them.
- They confuse presence with power.
In reality? This behaviour screams emotional immaturity wrapped in narcissistic theatre.
It’s not clever. It’s not romantic. It’s the equivalent of graffiti-ing your ex’s fridge magnets.
Step 6: The Grand Finale
By the end, your home will feel lighter.
Your brain’s prefrontal cortex will start running the show again, replacing the old reactive wiring with calm, grounded decision-making.
And you’ll notice something miraculous:
When there’s no trace of him, there’s also no trace of that heaviness he brought with him.
The only thing left in the house will be you — and you’re the one worth keeping.
Closing note: Abusers thrive on leaving behind reminders so they can live rent-free in your head. The final clearance sale is you serving an eviction notice — and this time, there’s no appeal process.
