A year ago, my life looked very different. Every choice I made was monitored, questioned, or controlled. My finances, friendships, and even the music I played were dictated by someone else’s rules. I couldn’t breathe without it being measured. I couldn’t spend without it being tallied. I couldn’t live without asking permission.
Fast forward to today—and my life is unrecognisable. With the unwavering support of a court psychologist, my own NHS-linked English psychologist, the amazing team at the Central Mujer, a caring local doctor, the Guardia Civil, and a specialist domestic abuse lawyer, I’ve stepped into a new reality: freedom.
Now, I can:
- Spend my money without having to log every purchase.
- Drive my car when I want, without booking “slots.”
- Enjoy music, friends, and evenings out without guilt or interrogation.
- Speak my truth without fear of being belittled.
- Choose my boundaries and have them respected.
This isn’t just emotional—it’s neurological.
When you live under coercive control, your brain adapts to constant threat. The amygdala—the brain’s alarm system—fires relentlessly, keeping you hypervigilant. The prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for decision-making and planning, is hijacked by stress hormones like cortisol. Over time, this rewiring traps you in survival mode, making joy and spontaneity feel impossible.
But here’s the hope: neuroscience shows that safety and positive relationships can rewire the brain. Through therapy, support, and consistent safety, the amygdala calms, cortisol levels drop, and the prefrontal cortex regains its balance. This is called neuroplasticity—your brain’s ability to heal and grow.
Psychology confirms it too: freedom, autonomy, and positive social connection are essential for mental health. When you choose who you spend time with, set boundaries, and experience mutual respect, your sense of self-worth rebuilds.
I’ve met incredible, compassionate people this year—people I never would have met if my life had stayed in that cage. They’ve restored my faith in humanity.
Life—and God—keep showing me that healing is not only possible, it’s powerful. Today, I’m not just surviving. I’m living. And loving every single minute of my freedom.
To anyone still in the darkness: hold on. Your brain, your heart, and your spirit can recover. One day, you’ll feel the sunlight again—and it will be brighter than you ever imagined.
