There comes a time in the journey of trauma, healing, and caretaking when you realize:
You’ve been pouring from a cup that’s long been empty.
You’ve been surviving for so long that you’ve forgotten what thriving even feels like.

You’ve held others through their storms, been the emotional anchor in a sea of chaos, and sacrificed your own needs to maintain peace — often with a partner who offers little in return.

You’ve been so busy taking care of everyone else… you forgot about you.

---

Survival Mode Is Not a Life Plan

When you’ve endured emotional abuse, neglect, or ongoing trauma, the nervous system adapts by shifting into survival mode — fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. You stop asking yourself what you want or need. Instead, you scan for danger. You try to keep the peace. You walk on eggshells. You become hyper-aware of others’ moods and needs.

And here’s the painful part: it can become a lifestyle. Especially when you’re with a partner who expects you to be their unpaid therapist, emotional regulator, and emotional punching bag — all while neglecting your most basic emotional needs.

But survival mode was meant to protect you, not define you. You are not here just to endure. You are here to live.

---

The Danger of Self-Abandonment

Self-abandonment often begins quietly. It looks like this:

• Saying yes when your body is screaming no
• Silencing your needs to avoid conflict
• Being the emotional caretaker in a one-sided relationship
• Minimizing your own suffering while validating everyone else’s
• Forgetting the last time you did something just because you wanted to

Over time, this creates not only exhaustion — but a sense of inner emptiness. A deep loneliness that’s hard to name. That ache is the sound of your soul whispering, “Come back to me.”

---

Come Back to Yourself, Gently

The first step toward healing from this cycle is to remember what you love. To remember who you are outside of trauma, outside of caregiving, outside of the roles others have demanded of you.

You don’t need to make radical changes overnight. You just need to start listening to the small, quiet voice inside that says:

“I miss dancing.”

“I used to love reading at the beach.”

“I want to make my favorite pasta and eat it with no guilt.”

“I’d love to lie in bed and just be.”

These are not selfish thoughts. They are sacred.

---

Your Joy List: A Daily Reminder of Who You Are

Here’s a powerful, gentle practice that many trauma survivors have found healing:

Create a “Joy List” and pin it on your wall, your mirror, your fridge — anywhere you’ll see it first thing in the morning.

This list becomes a visual reminder of what makes you you. It anchors you back into yourself — your body, your desires, your life.

Start by asking yourself:

• What lights me up, even just a little?
• What did I love before life became so heavy?
• What have I always wanted to do but pushed aside for others?
• What brings me peace, comfort, or pleasure?

Write them all down. Big and small. Silly and sacred.

---

Here’s a Sample Joy List to Inspire You:

• Walking barefoot in the grass
• Swimming in the sea
• Watching the stars with soft music playing
• Cooking a favorite childhood dish
• Visiting a quiet bookstore
• Taking a long hot bath with essential oils
• Dancing in the living room to a 90s playlist
• Watching waves crash while drinking tea
• Sitting quietly under a tree
• Writing in a journal or doodling
• Calling a friend who really sees you
• Picking wildflowers and putting them in a jar
• Eating fresh fruit slowly, with presence
• Going on a solo coffee date
• Listening to birdsong at dawn

Your list will be unique to you — a map back to your joy.

---

This Isn’t About Productivity. It’s About Presence.

This isn’t a to-do list. You don’t have to accomplish joy. You don’t have to earn rest. This is about being with yourself. Letting joy sneak back in, one moment at a time.

Some days, all you’ll manage is reading the list. That’s okay. That is still an act of defiance in a world that asked you to disappear.

---

Final Words: You Deserve to Take Up Space

Dear survivor, caregiver, soul too-long ignored:

You don’t have to shrink to be loved.
You don’t have to break yourself to hold others together.
You don’t have to disappear to keep the peace.

You are allowed — invited — to come back to yourself.

And every time you do something you love, you’re not just healing your nervous system — you’re whispering to your inner child, “I haven’t forgotten you. I love you. I’m listening now.”

So today, write your joy list. Pin it somewhere sacred. And take the first tiny step back home to yourself.