✨ A therapist’s healing journey through trauma, neuroscience, and renewal ✨
One year ago, I was still surviving. I was functioning — smiling on the outside, getting through the days, using every tool in my therapeutic kit to stay afloat. But deep down, my nervous system was in constant overdrive. I was holding on… barely.
Today, I look around and something has changed. Something huge.
I’m no longer just surviving.
I’m finally, fully living.
🧠 The Head Start: Knowledge Is Power, But It’s Not the Whole Journey
As a trauma therapist, I’ve always understood trauma on a cognitive level — the patterns, the nervous system responses, the survival modes. I’ve supported countless clients through their own recoveries. And having this knowledge was a gift… a head start, in many ways.
But what no training fully prepares you for is the internal work of untangling yourself from someone you once loved, someone who harmed you deeply, and yet who you tried so hard to help. That work is visceral. It’s not just theory — it’s embodied. It lives in your cells, your breath, your heartbeat.
You can know something logically — and still feel stuck emotionally. That’s the paradox many survivors face, and therapists too. Healing isn’t linear. It’s layered.
🌍 Spain: A Chapter Meant for Freedom
When I moved to Spain, it was meant to be a fresh start — a place of peace. But I made a decision I now look back on with compassion for myself: I offered him the opportunity to come with me. To seek help. To be part of the change.
It was a decision born from hope — a hope many survivors hold on to. The hope that maybe this time, things will be different. That love, effort, or a change in scenery can heal what trauma has shattered.
It was a painful lesson.
But one I needed.
And I learned.
💥 The Truth About Trauma Bonds & Neurochemistry
Psychologically and neurologically, leaving an abusive relationship is more than walking out the door. It’s unwinding a trauma bond — a powerful chemical and emotional tie, reinforced by cycles of fear and reward, pain and relief.
Our brains can become addicted to that pattern. Dopamine spikes during reconciliation phases. Cortisol floods the system during conflict. And oxytocin — the bonding hormone — doesn’t distinguish between healthy love and trauma-based attachment.
That’s why staying gone can feel harder than leaving. It’s not just willpower — it’s biology. But here’s the beautiful part: the brain can rewire. Neuroplasticity is real. Safety changes everything. And once you’re truly away, healing can finally take root.
🌿 One Year On: Signs That I’m Living Now — Not Just Surviving
- I sleep deeply without fear.
- I wake up with purpose, not dread.
- I laugh — real, belly-deep laughter — with people who see me.
- My body feels safe in stillness.
- I no longer explain, justify, or second-guess myself.
- I make decisions that serve me — not someone else’s comfort.
- I feel peace in my bones.
This is what post-traumatic growth looks like. Not perfect. Not polished. But real. Raw. Alive.
💬 To Anyone on This Path:
If you’re still in survival mode, I see you. If you’re still holding on to hope that someone might change, please know that your desire to fix things is not weakness — it’s empathy. But empathy without boundaries can be self-destruction. I learned that the hard way.
And if you’ve left — but the healing feels slow — trust the process. Your brain is healing. Your nervous system is recalibrating. There is a life beyond the trauma. I promise.
Today, I am in Spain, on my own, healing and living. I mean really living. Not performing wellness. Not pretending peace. But inhabiting joy, safety, and truth.
✨ Final Words
I used to think being a therapist meant I had to have it all together. But the most powerful healing happens when we integrate our own story — with gentleness, honesty, and radical self-love.
We are not just survivors.
We are rebuilders.
We are wisdom keepers.
We are alive.
And every day we choose peace over chaos, we rewrite the story — not just for ourselves, but for everyone who comes after us.
