Because buying a latte should not feel like a moral crisis.
💡 Why This Matters
When you’ve lived under financial control, every purchase becomes loaded with fear:
- Will I be questioned?
- Will this start an argument?
- Am I selfish for wanting this?
Here’s the truth:
You are not bad with money. You were just manipulated around it.
Spending isn’t the problem. Control is.
🎯 The Survivor’s Guide
🧠 1. Rewire the Belief That “Desire = Guilt”
You were conditioned to believe that wanting things for yourself was selfish.
But survival taught you to go without, to shrink, to ask “Is this okay?” even when it was your money.
From now on:
Wanting = Worthy.
Desire = Human.
Joy = Necessary.
💸 2. Set a “Sanity Budget”
Not for rent. Not for bills.
But for your emotional wellbeing.
Call it your Freedom Fund—a sacred pot for:
- That face cream that makes you feel radiant
- Coffee dates with friends who make you laugh
- Art supplies, books, or beach days
- Gifts for your grandchildren without guilt
No one gets to audit this fund except you. 💖
📿 3. Replace the Spreadsheet with Ritual
Financial abuse wasn’t just numbers—it was energy theft.
So now, make spending a ritual of reclamation:
- Light a candle when you order something just for you
- Say, “This is mine, and I deserve it.”
- Play music. Breathe. Celebrate.
Reclaim the moment. Don’t just click “Buy”—click “Heal.”
🛍️ 4. Practice “Guilt-Free Giving”
You were once made to feel bad for giving to others—especially your own children and grandchildren.
Now? You give because love is abundant. Not conditional.
Every time you send a birthday card or buy something thoughtful, remind yourself:
This is what healthy love looks like.
No tracking. No tally. No transaction.
👠 5. Buy the Damn Shoes
Seriously.
Or the candle.
Or the earrings.
Or the bottle of wine you want (not the one you used to need).
Not because you’re overcompensating.
Because you’re finally free to live.
💥 6. Track Feelings, Not Figures
Start a Spending Joy Journal. Each week, jot down:
- What did I buy that brought joy?
- What did I spend that felt empowering?
- What am I learning about freedom through this?
Let feelings—not shame—be your currency.
🎁 7. Remember: You Are Not “Bad With Money”—You Were Abused Around It
The spreadsheet was never about the money.
It was about keeping you small.
Your joy was a threat. Your spending was rebellion.
Well guess what?
Rebel, darling.
In lipstick. In fresh flowers. In espresso.
In every “unnecessary” thing that makes you feel like you again.
💬 Survivor Affirmations:
- “I deserve ease.”
- “Money in my hands is safe and sacred.”
- “I don’t need permission to be generous.”
- “My joy is not wasteful.”
- “I will never again explain myself for feeling good.”
🔚 Final Word
This isn’t about money. It’s about power.
And now? You hold the purse, the peace, and the pen.
You get to write the next chapter—where spending is soft, sacred, and shame-free.
