By Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Emotional Intelligence Educator | Advocate
“The more someone lies, the more they detach from their core identity — until they no longer know who they truly are.”
Lying doesn’t just harm others — it fractures the liar themselves. Over time, each deception becomes a thread pulling them further from their own emotional truth, until they are no longer a whole person, but a performance. A role. A mask.
When someone lies chronically — especially about who they are, what they feel, or what they’ve done — they’re not just betraying your trust. They’re betraying their own nervous system.
And if you’ve survived gaslighting, coercive control, or emotional abuse, this matters more than ever — because your body is already trained to detect what others may not yet see.
It’s Not Judgment — It’s Emotional Attunement
When you’ve been through trauma, your emotional radar becomes exquisitely attuned. You may notice:
- Words that sound caring, but land flat.
- Smiles that don’t quite reach the eyes.
- “Empathy” that feels copied, not lived.
- Conversations where you’re asked about yourself — but never truly heard.
Your body stiffens. Your breath changes. Something inside whispers, this doesn’t match.
And you’re right.
This isn’t paranoia. This isn’t being negative.
It’s neurobiology.
Your mirror neurons — brain cells responsible for empathy and emotional recognition — are picking up tiny contradictions. Your nervous system is scanning for safety and coherence, and when it doesn’t find them, it lets you know.
When Energy Doesn’t Match Words
Truth has a vibration. So does deception.
When someone is honest, their words, body, tone, and energy all align. You feel it. You relax into it.
But when someone is dishonest — even subtly — there’s a mismatch. And your nervous system picks up on it long before your mind can explain it.
Lies disorient us not just because of what is said, but because of how it feels to be in the presence of someone out of alignment. This is especially triggering for trauma survivors, who often lived through years of having their reality denied.
Why Lying Is So Spiritually (and Biologically) Destructive
People who lie regularly eventually become strangers to themselves. They rehearse versions of truth, tailoring them to each audience. Their identity becomes fragmented.
And yet, the body remembers.
Every time they lie — whether to protect an image, avoid accountability, or manipulate perception — they experience a stress response. Over time, this disconnection becomes numbness. But their integrity pays the price.
This is why so many manipulative people appear emotionally hollow. Because they are. The truth got left behind a long time ago.
For the Survivor: Your Intuition Is Not Broken
If you’ve experienced emotional betrayal, it can be hard to trust your gut again. You may second-guess yourself. You may feel like the only one who sees through a person others admire. You may wonder: Am I imagining this?
Let me reassure you:
🧠 Your brain has been re-trained to detect misalignment.
💛 Your body is picking up what the mind hasn’t yet made sense of.
🧘♀️ Your nervous system isn’t judging — it’s protecting.
In trauma recovery, the goal isn’t to become cynical or closed — it’s to become authentically discerning.
To rebuild that sacred trust with your own intuition. To feel your body’s wisdom again.
In the End: The Body Doesn’t Lie
Those who lie frequently may lose sight of who they are. But those who heal learn to listen to the quiet, powerful signals inside.
So if someone’s words sound sweet but something inside you feels off — pause.
You don’t need to explain it.
You don’t need to justify it.
Your discomfort is data.
Truth has a texture — and when someone’s words and energy don’t match, trust what your body knows.
👣 Looking for Support?
If this resonates with you, and you’re navigating recovery from emotional abuse, coercive control, or relationship trauma, you’re not alone. My work combines trauma-informed therapy, emotional intelligence, and nervous system regulation to help you reconnect with your truth.
📩 Contact Me to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
💻 Sessions available online.
📍 Based in Spain, supporting clients worldwide.
