In this state of neurological and emotional overload, women may begin to reach for anything that offers temporary relief.
- A few glasses of wine to quiet the anxiety.
- A pill to finally fall asleep.
- A razor to shift the pain from the inside to the outside — a desperate attempt to regain control when life feels utterly out of control.
From a psychological perspective, these behaviors are coping strategies — not healthy ones, but effective in the short-term for numbing unbearable emotional pain. This is particularly true when:
- The abuse is ongoing, and leaving is not yet possible.
- There is no access to support systems or therapeutic help.
- The abuser uses gaslighting to make the victim doubt their reality, leading to self-blame, shame, and isolation.
The Trauma Loop: Why the Behaviors Persist
Once substance use or self-harm becomes part of the survival strategy, they can be hard to stop — even after the abuse ends.
This is because trauma doesn’t end when the relationship ends. The body remembers. The trauma loop continues:
- A trigger (a smell, voice, look) activates the old fear network.
- The nervous system reacts as if the danger is present again.
- The survivor reaches for the old coping mechanism to manage the flood of emotion.
And round and round it goes.
It’s only when true healing from trauma begins — often through trauma-informed therapy, somatic work, or nervous system regulation practices — that survivors can start to break the loop.
The Path to Recovery: Healing the Nervous System First
One of the most important things to understand is that healing substance use and self-harming behaviors is nearly impossible without addressing the underlying trauma.
Telling a woman to “just stop drinking” or “just stop cutting” when she’s still living in a state of trauma is like telling someone to stop gasping for air while they’re still underwater.
Healing begins by calming the nervous system.
Therapies that have shown great promise in this area include:
- Somatic Experiencing or body-based trauma therapies.
- Polyvagal Theory-informed practices, which help rewire the nervous system towards safety and connection.
- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to process traumatic memories.
- IFS (Internal Family Systems) to understand and heal the wounded inner parts driving addictive behaviors.
When a woman begins to feel safe in her body and her environment, the need to numb gradually reduces. Her prefrontal cortex re-engages, allowing her to make clearer decisions. The self-harming part begins to trust that its job is no longer needed.
Compassion Over Judgment
As a society, we need to shift our perspective. Instead of asking, “Why is she drinking or self-harming?” we must start asking, “What pain is she carrying that’s too much to bear?”
Substance use and self-harm in abuse survivors are not moral failings. They are symptoms of deep psychological injury. They are signs of someone who has survived the unsurvivable.
And the journey back from that edge is possible — with the right support, the right tools, and most of all, the right understanding.
If you are working with survivors or are one yourself, know this: healing is not a straight line. Setbacks are not failures. They are part of the nervous system trying to find safety again. With compassion, support, and trauma-informed care, recovery is not just possible — it is real.
