This weekend was one of those soul-filling, life-affirming weekends that remind me how far I’ve come. Saturday was spent out in the sunshine with a dear girlfriend and my sweet dog Ellie, followed by a fun game of padel with friends and then a lazy, laughter-filled Sunday lunch with friends. As I sat there soaking in the conversation and the clinking of glasses, it hit me: He never took me out for Sunday lunch once in all the years we were together.

Back then, weekends were hollow. Predictable. He would play tennis in the morning, then disappear into bed for the rest of the day. No walks, no adventures, no shared plans — not even a swim in the pool. Our lives shrank to fit the size of his interest, and mine was barely a consideration.

Looking back, I realize I was slowly dying inside. Not in the dramatic sense we so often associate with trauma, but in the quiet, insidious erosion of self that comes from being emotionally neglected and dismissed. And yet, because emotional abuse is often invisible to the outside world, many don’t understand just how damaging it truly is.

Emotional Abuse Steals Your Vitality

Psychologically, emotional abuse chips away at a person’s identity. Over time, your needs are minimized, your joy becomes irrelevant, and your voice goes unheard. Life begins to feel dull, lifeless — because you’re constantly walking on eggshells or being made to feel that your desires are a burden.

Research into emotional neglect and abuse tells us that the nervous system becomes dysregulated in these environments. Our bodies begin to live in survival mode — hypervigilant, anxious, or shut down. We stop seeking pleasure or novelty because we’ve been conditioned to expect rejection or punishment. Eventually, we start to believe that perhaps we really don’t deserve anything more.

Healing Is Coming Back to Life

But healing is not just about escaping the abuser — it’s about rediscovering the parts of yourself that were silenced.

Going out on a weekend, being around laughter, walking the dog, playing a sport for fun, letting the sun touch your skin — these aren’t luxuries. They are basic expressions of aliveness. And the fact that I can now enjoy these things without fear or friction is the clearest evidence that I am no longer just surviving — I am thriving.

It didn’t happen overnight. It has taken time, therapy, self-compassion, and the bravery to be honest about what I lived through. But here I am — living weekends that feel like mine, filled with people who see me, and activities that feed my spirit.

To Anyone Still in the Fog

If you’re still living in a situation where joy feels out of reach, please know this: You are not too much for wanting more. You’re not selfish for craving connection, laughter, or shared experiences. That’s what life is meant to include. If your partner shuts those parts of you down — consistently and with no remorse — it’s not because you’re wrong. It’s because they’ve made a prison out of your relationship and convinced you it’s home.

But you can get out. You can come back to life.

I did.

And I will never go back to merely existing again.

— Linda C J Turner

Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment