(A Reflection from a Trauma and Neuroscience Lens)

People often ask me, “When did he change?”
But the truth is — he didn’t.
He was always that person.
I just didn’t want to believe what was happening.

🧠 From a neuroscience perspective, when you’re in survival mode — especially after a history of trauma — your brain doesn’t always prioritize logic or evidence.
It prioritizes safety. Or at least, the illusion of it.

I spent years documenting incidents. Dates, times, conversations.
Letters written after every argument, because communication had become impossible.
He’d disappear into another room for days, shutting me out in silence — not because he needed space, but to punish me.
And still, I wrote…
Begging him to get help.
Trying to explain how I felt.
Trying to save a relationship that had no emotional safety from the start.

🧠 That was trauma bonding. That was the “fawn” response in action — my nervous system trying to appease danger instead of confronting it.

I wasn’t weak. I was wounded.
I was reacting from a place of unhealed trauma, believing if I just loved harder, it would get better.
That’s what abusers count on — the kindness, hope, and empathy of those who still believe people can change.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

👉 You should never have to write a letter to someone just to be heard.
👉 You should never be punished with silence for having feelings.
👉 You should never have to beg for crumbs when love is meant to nourish.

True love invites communication.
True connection creates space for discomfort, dialogue, and growth.
Not punishment. Not silence. Not shame.

Today, I no longer ask when he changed.
I ask myself: Why did I stay when the signs were always there?
And the answer is simple:
Because I was vulnerable, and because I loved him.

But vulnerability should be met with care — not control.
Love should feel like coming home — not like walking on eggshells.

So now, I do the work.
🧠 I regulate my nervous system.
🧠 I rebuild my boundaries.
🧠 I heal the parts of me that once accepted the unacceptable.

Because I will never go back.
Because I know better now.
And because I finally know what real love feels like — safe, mutual, and free.

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To anyone who’s written letters instead of having real conversations…
To anyone who’s begged to be seen instead of being embraced…
I see you.
And you are not alone.
This is your time to heal, not hide.

#TraumaHealing #NeuroscienceAndRecovery #SilentTreatmentIsAbuse #YouDeserveBetter #PostTraumaticGrowth #HealingJourney #EmotionalSafety #NoMoreBegging #NervousSystemHealing #FawnResponse #EmpathsAndAbuse #ReclaimYourVoice

— Linda C J Turner

Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment