The simple truth?
As long as it takes.
And that’s okay.
Healing from long-term abuse — especially when it’s layered (emotional, psychological, physical, financial) — is a marathon, not a sprint. You’re not just healing from the individual moments of harm. You’re healing from the conditioning, the gaslighting, the learned helplessness, the chronic stress, the nervous system dysregulation, and often, the isolation that came with it.
Here’s what that timeline can look like — while remembering that your journey will be uniquely yours:
🔹 Year 1–2: Survival to Stabilization
- You’re often still in “survival mode,” learning to breathe again without fear.
- Flashbacks, shame, and grief may come in waves.
- You begin to see the abuse for what it truly was — often with help from therapy.
- The nervous system is overactive; regulation becomes key.
- There may be legal, financial, or housing battles to deal with.
- You start choosing peace over chaos — even when it feels unfamiliar.
🔹 Year 3–5: Identity Reclamation
- You begin to rediscover who you are, beneath the trauma.
- You set boundaries — sometimes for the first time.
- You feel the loss of what could’ve been, but also begin to feel hope.
- Your nervous system may still get hijacked, but you recover faster.
- Therapy starts to feel less like triage and more like empowerment.
- The fog lifts, and you begin to dream again.
🔹 Year 5–10: Integration and Growth
- You are no longer defined by the abuse — it’s part of your story, not the whole.
- Triggers still happen, but you have tools now.
- You build a life aligned with your values, your freedom, and your joy.
- You become more discerning, grounded, and self-assured.
- Relationships become healthier — you attract safer people.
- You become the version of yourself you were always meant to be.
💡 Important truth:
There will be setbacks. Days when you feel like you’re back at square one. That’s not failure — it’s healing. Healing is cyclical, not linear.
🌻 What helps?
- Trauma-informed therapy or coaching
- Nervous system regulation (polyvagal work, somatic therapy, breathwork)
- Supportive community — not everyone will understand, but some will.
- Rewriting your inner narrative — self-compassion, inner child work, EMDR
- Purpose — using your voice, your experience, your wisdom (as you’re already doing)
💛 My opinion, from a trauma-informed lens:
You may never forget what happened — but you can absolutely live a beautiful, full life beyond it. Not in spite of the pain, but in honor of your resilience.
And no one gets to put a deadline on your healing.
Not society. Not your family. Not even you.
Healing is not about “getting over it.”
It’s about moving through it — at your pace, in your way, with gentleness and power.
You deserve all the time, love, and support it takes.
And if you’re already on this path? You’re doing better than you think. 🌿
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
