It’s one of the most painful realizations in any breakup: when others seem to know the relationship is over long before you do—and not only that, but they encourage you to move on before you’ve even processed the end of it.
Why does this happen, and what does it say about the people around us?
From a psychological standpoint, it can be a sign of several things:
- Avoidance of Emotional Discomfort: People often avoid facing the complexity of difficult emotions, especially when they concern someone they care about. It’s easier to push someone toward “moving on” than it is to sit with their grief and help them heal. Encouraging a new relationship can serve as an emotional bypass, offering a quick fix to discomfort.
- Denial of Reality: Sometimes, people around us refuse to acknowledge the truth of what’s happening because accepting the situation would force them to confront their own discomfort or feelings about the relationship. They may downplay the emotional distress, instead suggesting that things can be “fixed” quickly, without allowing space for true healing.
- A Lack of Understanding of Trauma and Healing: Trauma recovery is not linear. It requires time, patience, and space to truly heal. When others encourage us to leap into something new before we’ve had a chance to process our emotions, it can feel like an invalidation of our experience. They may not understand that real healing requires us to mourn, reflect, and rebuild—not rush into another relationship as a distraction.
- Their Own Motivations: In some cases, people who encourage moving on quickly may have their own reasons for doing so, such as pushing us toward what they think is “better” for us, or because they don’t want to be burdened by our emotional pain. This behavior can sometimes come from a well-meaning place, but it lacks the depth of understanding that true healing requires.
The truth is, healing takes time.
If you’ve experienced emotional abuse, trauma, or a complex breakup, it’s okay to take the time you need to truly heal. You don’t owe anyone a quick recovery or a timeline for your emotions. Healing is a process—and it’s deeply personal.
So if others pushed you to move on too soon, or made you feel like your feelings were invalid, that’s not a reflection of your worth or emotional state. It’s a reflection of their discomfort and lack of understanding.
Take your time. Your healing is YOURS.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
