By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
Most of us recognize the ancient image: three monkeys—one covering its ears, one its eyes, one its mouth.
Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.
At first glance, the proverb seems to encourage virtue: don’t listen to negativity, don’t look for wrongdoing, don’t gossip or spread harm. But when viewed through a psychological and trauma-informed lens, this phrase takes on deeper, more complex meaning. For many survivors, it becomes less about virtue and more about coping, survival, and silencing.
Let’s explore this ancient idea in a modern therapeutic context—where trauma, denial, emotional intelligence, and healing intersect.
🙉 “Hear No Evil”: Emotional Deafness and Selective Listening
In families, systems, or relationships marked by dysfunction or abuse, “hearing no evil” often becomes a defense mechanism. People may choose not to hear painful truths because they feel powerless to act on them.
From a psychological perspective, this can reflect:
- Cognitive dissonance: the mental discomfort of holding two conflicting truths—“This person says they love me” vs. “They’re harming me.”
- Survival response: blocking out disturbing truths to maintain a sense of normalcy or safety.
- Intergenerational patterns: inherited beliefs like “Don’t talk about what happens in this house” or “It’s not our place to question authority.”
In therapy, we often see clients who grew up in households where hearing abuse was normalised or denied. They learned early to mute their internal alarms. Over time, this dulls emotional intuition, leading to difficulty trusting themselves—or even recognizing abuse when it repeats.
🙈 “See No Evil”: The Protective Power of Denial
Denial is one of the most powerful psychological defense mechanisms. “Seeing no evil” can be a conscious or unconscious way of protecting oneself from pain too great to bear.
In trauma therapy, we understand that:
- Children may block out painful events entirely (dissociation or memory repression).
- Adults may look the other way in toxic relationships to preserve attachment or prevent conflict.
- Bystanders may “not see” to avoid responsibility, guilt, or discomfort.
But what is denied doesn’t disappear—it festers. Refusing to see allows harm to continue. And for survivors, it can create profound confusion: “If no one else sees it, maybe I’m overreacting.” This can lead to self-doubt, gaslighting, and prolonged trauma exposure.
Part of the healing journey involves slowly, safely beginning to see—to acknowledge what really happened. And with this, truth begins to loosen the grip of fear.
🙊 “Speak No Evil”: Silence, Shame, and the Cost of Not Speaking Up
In many cultures, families, and relationships, “speak no evil” is used to enforce silence. Victims are told:
- “Don’t talk about that—it will upset people.”
- “What happens behind closed doors stays there.”
- “It’s your word against theirs.”
This enforced silence protects abusers, not victims. It often stems from fear, shame, and the desire to maintain appearances. In psychology, we call this protective secrecy, and it can lead to:
- Internalized shame
- Suppressed trauma
- The fear of judgment or rejection
- A deep sense of isolation and invisibility
But silence does not heal trauma. Speaking truth—whether through therapy, writing, advocacy, or private reflection—does.
That said, speaking is not always safe. Survivors must assess when and how to use their voice. A trauma-informed therapist supports this delicate balance: reclaiming voice without re-traumatization, and learning when silence is self-protection vs. when it’s self-suppression.
🌱 From Survival to Empowerment: Reclaiming the Meaning
The original proverb was never meant to suggest that we ignore injustice or remain silent in the face of harm. In fact, many interpretations see the “three wise monkeys” as encouraging moral integrity: Be mindful of what you consume, how you perceive, and what you share.
But in a therapeutic context, these words are often survival strategies turned into prisons.
Hear no evil becomes emotional numbing.
See no evil becomes dissociation.
Speak no evil becomes shame and silence.
Healing means transforming those patterns:
- Listening to your inner truth and validating your own pain.
- Seeing reality clearly, without distortion or denial.
- Speaking your truth safely, bravely, and when you are ready.
🦋 The Invitation: Turn the Proverb Into Empowerment
Instead of hearing, seeing, and speaking nothing—we invite this revision:
- Hear truth: including your intuition, your pain, your joy.
- See clearly: the patterns, the signs, and the beauty beyond the pain.
- Speak bravely: your story, your needs, your boundaries.
You are not here to carry the burden of silence. You are here to live fully, to heal deeply, and to be seen, heard, and believed.
💬 If You’ve Been Silenced, We See You
If this resonates with you—if you’ve spent years hearing no evil, seeing no evil, and speaking no evil to survive—know that there is nothing wrong with you. These were adaptive responses. They helped you endure.
Now, you may be ready to move from survival to thriving.
At Linda C J Turner Therapy, we specialize in helping clients break generational silence, heal from trauma, and reconnect with their voice, vision, and values. You deserve that freedom.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
