By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
In every abusive situation, there comes a time when the lies start to unravel.
The truth, no matter how much it’s been buried, eventually rises — quietly, steadily, with the kind of force that no manipulation can withstand.
One of the telltale signs that someone is lying about you is this:
Their version of events doesn’t add up.
Timelines are confused.
Details are out of order.
Explanations are clumsy, contradictory, and riddled with emotion but short on fact.
They may spin stories about you — about what you supposedly did or said — but you have something they don’t: proof.
You have your WhatsApp messages.
You have your text logs, your phone recordings, your police reports, your psychologist’s assessments.
You have the solid, verifiable order of events — a sequence they can’t erase.
🌟 And while you must protect this evidence carefully before a criminal hearing, remember: it is your property.
It belongs to you.
You have the right to show it to your trusted friends, your family, your lawyer.
You have the right to defend yourself with facts — not with counterattacks or more drama, but with calm, steady truth.
Social media is a powerful platform, but it’s important to be wise about how and when you use it.
Before legal proceedings, posting sensitive material publicly can sometimes cause legal complications — but sharing your experiences, your strength, your perspective in a general sense is absolutely valid.
And once proceedings are complete, if you choose to speak out, you have every right to tell your story on your terms.
The Psychology Behind Why Abusers Lie
Understanding why abusers lie can be incredibly healing.
It helps you detach from the toxic guilt and shame they often try to project onto you. Here’s why they twist reality:
1. Control
Lying is a way for abusers to maintain control.
If they can control the narrative, they believe they can control how others perceive them — and you.
They often engage in “gaslighting,” a deliberate tactic to make you doubt your own memories, sanity, and experiences.
The goal is simple: keep you confused and compliant.
2. Fear of Accountability
Truth demands consequences.
An abuser lies because facing the reality of what they’ve done would mean facing justice, shame, or loss of power.
Lying is an attempt to dodge responsibility.
It’s a way to postpone or altogether avoid the fallout from their actions.
3. Self-Preservation
Many abusers have deeply fragile egos beneath their aggressive exteriors.
Admitting fault would shatter the illusion they have of themselves.
Instead of facing the discomfort of guilt or remorse, they rewrite history — first for others, and often even for themselves.
4. Projection
Often, an abuser will accuse you of the very things they are guilty of.
This is called projection — a psychological defense mechanism where a person attributes their unacceptable feelings or behaviors to someone else.
If they lie, they might claim you are lying.
If they are abusive, they might insist you are abusive.
It’s a deflection — an attempt to shift the spotlight off their own behavior.
Evidence Speaks Louder Than Lies
The beauty of the truth is this:
You don’t have to work overtime to remember it.
Your WhatsApp messages, your phone recordings, your appointments, your police reports — they line up.
They tell a consistent story without needing editing or memory gymnastics.
🌿 Evidence brings peace.
When lies swirl around you, your documented proof is your anchor.
It is your silent witness — a chain of facts that no amount of rage or manipulation can undo.
And yes — in the eyes of the law, facts do matter.
While abusers may think charm, manipulation, or crocodile tears can protect them, the court is far more interested in evidence.
Messages. Dates. Medical reports. Witness statements.
Truth, laid out clearly and systematically, speaks louder than any performance.
A Final Word of Strength
If you’re preparing for court, for healing, or simply for reclaiming your life, remember this:
- You don’t have to fight dirty to win.
- You don’t have to lie to protect yourself.
- You don’t have to stoop to their level.
Truth is your greatest shield.
Evidence is your silent army.
Integrity is your victory.
Even if it feels slow — even if it feels heavy — know this:
You are already winning every time you choose honesty over manipulation.
Every time you show up for yourself with dignity.
Every time you refuse to let lies define you.
You are not what they say about you.
You are who you are — and no smear campaign, no twisted narrative, no manipulative ploy can erase that.
The lies will bury themselves.
The truth will always rise.
🌟 And so will you.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
