By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
A Truth to Hold Onto
They’re not lying because you were the villain.
They’re lying because you were good—and they can’t live with the fact that they hurt someone who truly cared.So they rewrite the story.
They cast themselves as the victim.
And they paint you in whatever colors justify their actions.Let them.
Because while they live in fiction, you’re free to live in truth.
And truth, no matter how painful, will always set you free.
The Psychology of Rewriting Reality
- Defending the Self-Image
- When someone who’s hurt us faces the dissonance between “I did harm” and “I’m a good person,” they often resort to defensive distortions. By recasting themselves as the victim, they preserve a positive self-narrative and avoid the unbearable ache of shame.
- Projection and Blame-Shifting
- Accusing you of the very behaviors they’re guilty of serves two purposes: it distracts attention away from their wrongdoing and externalizes their internal guilt. Psychologically, this is a projection that allows them to dodge accountability.
- Gaslighting as a Control Tool
- By insisting their version of events is “the truth,” they erode your confidence in your own memories and perceptions. This gaslighting keeps you off-balance and makes it harder to challenge their narrative.
What Neuroscience Reveals
- Amygdala Activation & Threat Response
- Admitting wrongdoing triggers the brain’s threat circuitry—your amygdala lights up as if you’re in danger. To avoid that stress response, the mind often invents alternative stories.
- Prefrontal Cortex Downregulation
- The prefrontal cortex oversees moral reasoning and impulse control. Under the emotional strain of guilt and shame, its activity can diminish, making it easier to rationalize lies without the usual internal “alarm bells.”
- Reward Pathways & Reinforcement
- Successfully shifting blame or escaping scrutiny can trigger a small dopamine release—reinforcing the lying behavior and making it more likely to happen again.
The Human Cost of Their Fiction
- Self-Doubt: You begin to question your own sense of reality, wondering if you misremembered events.
- Emotional Exhaustion: Constantly defending yourself consumes mental and emotional energy, leaving little capacity for joy or growth.
- Isolation: If their narrative spreads to friends or family, you may feel cut off from your support network.
- Prolonged Trauma: Living under a cloud of distortion can perpetuate anxiety, depression, and hypervigilance—much like an ongoing, low-grade trauma.
Why Truth Will Always Set You Free
- Memory Reconsolidation
- When you name what happened and process it—through journaling, therapy, or trusted conversations—you disrupt the old, traumatic memory patterns. Each time you retell your story honestly, you reinforce neural pathways that anchor you in your own truth.
- Rebuilding the Prefrontal Cortex
- Practices like mindfulness, cognitive reframing, and self-compassion exercises strengthen the prefrontal cortex, improving your ability to regulate emotions and stand firm in reality.
- Oxytocin & Safe Connection
- Sharing your truth with supportive friends or in a therapeutic setting releases oxytocin, which soothes the amygdala and counteracts stress hormones—helping you feel grounded and validated.
Practical Steps to Live in Truth
- Keep a “Truth Journal”: Write down details of conversations, your feelings, and any inconsistencies you observe.
- Set Boundaries: Limit interactions or use written communication where possible, so you have an objective record.
- Seek Witnesses: Confide in someone you trust—having an ally who affirms your reality is a powerful antidote to gaslighting.
- Therapeutic Support: A trauma-informed therapist can guide you through memory reconsolidation exercises and cognitive-behavioral strategies.
- Mind-Body Practices: Yoga, breathwork, or grounding meditations help retrain your nervous system away from fight-or-flight.
Conclusion
They may live in a self-spun fiction, but you have the gift of truth.
Holding onto your real story—no matter how painful—is the surest path to healing, empowerment, and genuine freedom.
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💬 Comment below: How do you reinforce your truth when someone tries to rewrite it?
🏷️ #TruthAndHealing #GaslightingSurvivor #NeuroscienceOfRecovery #StandInYourPower #TraumaRecovery— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
