By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
- The Mask Is Familiar—and Familiar Equals Safe (Even When It’s Not)
Our brains are wired to prefer the known, even if the known is painful. If you grew up being told to be quiet, to not express emotions, or to make yourself small, then the mask helped you survive. That mask might be:- The “good girl/boy” mask
- The “strong and unbothered” mask
- The “caretaker” or “people-pleaser” mask
Taking it off feels like stepping into the unknown—and the brain hates uncertainty. The amygdala (your fear center) lights up, scanning for danger. It’s not that authenticity is dangerous, it’s just unfamiliar.
- Fear of Rejection Is Hardwired
Humans are deeply social beings. Being cast out from the group once meant death to our ancestors. So the fear of being “too much” or “not enough” and being rejected? That’s deeply primal. The brain interprets rejection as a threat, activating the same pathways as physical pain. - Vulnerability Triggers the Nervous System
For trauma survivors, vulnerability is often associated with danger. When you were hurt, manipulated, or controlled in moments of openness, your body remembers. Removing the mask can activate a sympathetic nervous system response (fight/flight) or dorsal vagal shutdown (freeze). It can feel overwhelming, dizzying, or exhausting.
🌱 But Here’s What Happens When You Gently Remove the Mask…
1. Your Nervous System Begins to Regulate
When you stop performing and start living from your authentic self, the body can finally stop bracing. The vagus nerve, which runs from your brainstem to your gut and heart, plays a huge role in emotional safety. Authenticity helps move you into the ventral vagal state—where you feel connected, calm, and safe enough to rest, digest, and engage.
The more often you practice truth-speaking and boundary-setting, the more your body learns:
“I can be real… and I’m still safe.”
Over time, this literally rewires your nervous system to associate authenticity with safety, not threat.
2. You Reduce Cognitive Dissonance and Emotional Burnout
Living behind a mask creates internal tension—a split between who you are and who you’re pretending to be. This cognitive dissonance can lead to anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, and even autoimmune symptoms.
Removing the mask allows you to integrate. Your inner self and your outer self begin to match. That alignment creates coherence in the brain and calm in the body.
Think of it like this: when you’re not pretending, you’re not burning emotional fuel trying to “hold it all together.” That energy can now go toward creativity, connection, and healing.
3. You Build True, Soul-Nourishing Relationships
When you’re real, you may lose some people—but you’ll find your people. This isn’t just poetic—it’s neurological.
Our brains are equipped with mirror neurons, which help us connect emotionally with others. But those neurons only fire authentically when you’re being yourself. When you remove the mask, you send out a signal that says:
“This is me. You can show up as you, too.”
This creates a feedback loop of safe, vulnerable, connected relating—which boosts oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and strengthens the prefrontal cortex, which governs empathy, decision-making, and emotional intelligence.
4. You Reclaim Your Identity and Inner Power
The mask often keeps you locked in a trauma response: performing, placating, pleasing, avoiding conflict. Taking it off is an act of agency. It tells your nervous system:
“I’m no longer in danger. I’m in charge now.”
This activates neuroplasticity—your brain’s ability to rewire itself. You start forming new pathways:
- I can say “no” and still be loved.
- I can express my truth and be safe.
- I can stop shrinking and take up space.
This isn’t just emotional healing. It’s literal brain healing.
đź’– Gentle Practices to Begin Removing the Mask
- Name It: Notice the moments you go into “performance mode.” Ask yourself, “Who am I being right now? And why?”
- Practice Micro-Truths: Start with safe people. Share a small, vulnerable truth. Observe how your body responds. Celebrate the safety.
- Somatic Grounding: Before being vulnerable, ground yourself with breath, movement, or touch (like placing a hand over your heart). This signals safety to the nervous system.
- Journal Prompts:
- What masks have I worn most often in my life?
- What do I fear will happen if I take them off?
- Who am I without them?
🌟 Final Thought: You Were Never Too Much—You Were Just in the Wrong Room
Removing the mask may feel terrifying at first… but what waits on the other side is connection, clarity, peace, and true belonging.
Your mask may have kept you safe once. But your truth will set you free.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
