By Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Advocate
It’s only when you look back—with clear eyes and therapeutic insight—that the full picture begins to emerge.
At the time, you try to justify it:
“He’s just having a bad day.”
“It’s probably not a big deal.”
“Maybe I’m asking for too much.”
But then you begin to notice a pattern.
✨ Your best friend is pregnant. She wants you to be the first to know. She books a flight to share the joy.
🚫 He says no. A fight erupts. The joy evaporates. You’re made to feel guilty for being excited.
🌹It’s Valentine’s Day, your birthday, or Christmas.
🚪 You’re shut out. Not spoken to for days. Locked in silence as punishment for some invisible “wrong.”
📦 You’re moving house.
🧍♀️You pack alone. You unpack alone. You carry the emotional and physical weight—alone.
🚗 You want to go out, but you must book the car around his tennis schedule. Your freedom is managed like a privilege, not a right.
So what is this really telling you, from a psychological perspective?
This isn’t just moodiness, selfishness, or disconnection.
This is coercive control.
It’s a deliberate and consistent pattern of behavior designed to erode your autonomy, chip away at your joy, and condition you to feel that your needs—and even your moments—don’t matter.
🧠 Over time, your nervous system learns that excitement is dangerous. That asking for support leads to punishment. That being visible, happy, or celebrated invites conflict.
This isn’t just cruel—it’s deeply traumatizing.
You begin to live in survival mode, even on days that should be filled with love and connection. You lose the ability to relax into your own life. Your joy becomes conditional—allowed only when it doesn’t inconvenience him.
Therapists call this emotional invalidation and intermittent reinforcement. It’s a toxic cycle: love is given and withheld at random, keeping you anxious, off balance, and craving approval.
But here’s the truth:
🎉 You deserve to celebrate your life without fear.
🫂 You deserve to be surrounded by people who show up, not shut down.
💬 You deserve a voice that isn’t punished or silenced.
If you’ve experienced this kind of control, know this:
It wasn’t your fault. You weren’t “too much.” You were conditioned to believe your needs were a burden—but they never were.
Freedom isn’t just physical. It’s emotional.
You deserve to feel free in your own joy.
#EmotionalAbuseAwareness #CoerciveControl #TraumaRecovery #EmotionalFreedom #LindaCJTurnerTherapy #NarcissisticAbuse #YouDeserveJoy #TherapyHeals
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
