By Linda C J Turner | Trauma Therapist & Advocate
🚩Red Flag: They won’t let you go to the doctor alone—because they fear what you might say.
💔But when you truly need their support? A biopsy, a diagnosis, a moment of medical vulnerability… they’re suddenly “too busy,” detached, or disinterested.
So what is this behavior really saying?
From a psychological perspective, this is a form of coercive control—a strategic and manipulative tactic used to monitor, isolate, and suppress. It’s not about care. It’s about control.
At first, refusing to let you attend medical appointments alone may be disguised as concern:
“I just want to be there for you.”
“I don’t want you to be overwhelmed.”
“I should be the one to talk to the doctor.”
But dig deeper, and the truth often emerges:
They’re afraid you’ll speak out. That the truth will be heard. That someone might see behind the mask.
Later—when you need them most—they withdraw.
This isn’t forgetfulness.
This isn’t poor time management.
This is punishment. It’s emotional abandonment, and it’s laced with cruelty.
Psychologically, this sends a chilling message:
“I will control your voice, your body, your care—and when you’re most vulnerable, I will leave you alone.”
Over time, this creates deep trauma wounds:
- Fear of speaking up
- Distrust in your own needs
- Shame for even wanting support
- And a nervous system on high alert, constantly bracing for abandonment or invalidation.
🧠 From a neuroscience standpoint, your nervous system is being trained to associate asking for help with danger. The limbic brain—the emotional center—learns that vulnerability equals rejection, and this pattern can follow survivors long after the relationship ends.
But please hear this:
➡️ Wanting support is not weakness.
➡️ Needing emotional presence in times of illness or uncertainty is a basic human need.
➡️ And withholding support when someone is vulnerable is not just unkind—it’s psychological abuse.
To those who’ve experienced this: You are not too needy. You are not the problem.
You deserved care, presence, and empathy. And it’s okay to grieve that it wasn’t given.
Controlling access to care is not love.
Withholding support is not love.
You deserve to be safe, heard, and held.
#CoerciveControl #MedicalGaslighting #EmotionalNeglect #NeuroscienceOfAbuse #PsychologicalAbuse #TraumaTherapy #LindaCJTurnerTherapy #AbuseAwareness #YouDeserveBetter
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
