By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate

Divorce is an emotionally charged process, especially when it’s accompanied by the psychological toll of PTSD or suicidal thoughts. The mental and emotional strain of ending a relationship is often exacerbated for individuals dealing with trauma, making the process even more difficult and, in some cases, dangerous.

From a neuroscience and psychological perspective, it’s important to understand how pressing someone to make quick decisions or escalate emotional responses during a divorce can deeply harm their well-being, particularly if they are already struggling with PTSD and suicidal thoughts.

In this article, we’ll dive into the mentality behind pressure tactics in divorce, the risks it poses, and how those struggling with PTSD can protect themselves.

The Psychology of Pressure in Divorce

Pressure in any divorce can feel intense, but for someone with PTSD or suicidal thoughts, the experience can be overwhelming and, at times, life-threatening. Pressure can come in many forms: from a partner, family members, legal systems, or even self-imposed expectations. When someone is already coping with trauma, external pressure can feel like the weight of the world on their shoulders.

From a psychological standpoint, individuals with PTSD often experience heightened states of emotional dysregulation. PTSD changes the way the brain processes stress, with increased activity in the amygdala (the brain’s fear center) and decreased function in the prefrontal cortex, which governs rational thinking. This means that someone with PTSD may not be able to process stress and emotions in a healthy, productive way. Instead, they may feel trapped or unable to make clear decisions, and any additional pressure can overwhelm them.

How Pressure Affects the Brain and Mental Health

When a person is subjected to pressure during a divorce—whether it’s making rapid decisions, enduring hostile negotiations, or trying to handle aggressive tactics from a spouse—several dangerous outcomes can occur:

1. Intensified Emotional Response: The stress response system becomes activated, increasing levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. High cortisol levels over time can impair memory, reduce cognitive function, and create a constant sense of fear and unease, exacerbating PTSD symptoms.
2. Decision Paralysis: As pressure mounts, the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making) becomes less active, while the amygdala takes over. This can lead to “fight or flight” reactions, where the person might make rash decisions or freeze entirely. For someone dealing with trauma, this means they may either avoid making decisions altogether or make decisions that are not in their best interest.
3. Escalating Suicidal Thoughts: For someone already struggling with suicidal thoughts, the emotional burden of divorce combined with the added pressure can worsen their sense of hopelessness. They may start to feel overwhelmed, as though they cannot handle both the emotional trauma of their past and the immediate stress of the divorce. These feelings can push them closer to dangerous thoughts of self-harm.
4. Cognitive Overload: PTSD often results in intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and difficulty focusing. The added pressure to perform during a divorce can overwhelm the cognitive system, leading to confusion, fatigue, and burnout.

Why Putting Pressure on Someone with PTSD is So Dangerous

Pressuring someone with PTSD during a divorce is not just psychologically damaging—it can be life-threatening. The constant activation of the stress response system without the ability to regulate emotions can leave a person feeling isolated and emotionally drained. If a person with PTSD is already struggling with suicidal thoughts, the additional strain can tip the scale, causing them to believe that ending their life is the only way to escape the overwhelming feelings.

The danger comes in when those around them fail to recognize the signs of emotional distress and the impact of external pressures. Legal systems, family members, and even friends might unintentionally add to the trauma by rushing or demanding quick resolutions during a highly emotional time.

How to Protect Yourself from Psychological and Neuroscience Perspectives

If you or someone you know is navigating a divorce while struggling with PTSD or suicidal thoughts, it’s essential to take steps to protect your mental health. Here are some strategies from both a neuroscience and psychological standpoint:

1. Create Emotional Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with anyone trying to rush or pressure you. It’s essential to protect your emotional space and make it clear that you need time to process the situation. This could involve setting limits on conversations or refusing to engage in discussions that feel overly stressful.
2. Prioritize Self-Care: Engage in practices that soothe your nervous system and reduce cortisol levels. This includes mindfulness, deep breathing, yoga, or other relaxation techniques. These practices help calm the amygdala and restore balance to the brain’s stress response systems.
3. Seek Professional Support: Therapy is crucial in navigating the complexities of PTSD and divorce. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Trauma-Informed Therapy (TIT) are particularly helpful for managing trauma symptoms during stressful life events. A therapist can help you work through your emotions in a safe space and guide you in setting healthy boundaries.
4. Use Grounding Techniques: Grounding techniques can help you stay present and focused when emotions run high. Simple practices like focusing on your breath, feeling the ground beneath your feet, or holding an object that provides comfort can bring you back to the present moment and alleviate the physical symptoms of panic.
5. Limit Stressful Interactions: Avoid confrontational or emotionally-charged interactions, especially if they escalate your symptoms. If possible, use a mediator or legal professional to handle communication with your ex-partner. This keeps emotional stressors to a minimum.
6. Create a Support System: Surround yourself with people who understand your trauma and can provide a safe, nurturing environment. This could be friends, family, or support groups for individuals going through divorce and PTSD. Having a support system in place can buffer the effects of external pressure and offer you emotional validation.
7. Legal Protections: If the pressure comes from your spouse or the legal process itself, ensure that you have legal representation that respects your mental health needs. A good attorney will understand the importance of your emotional well-being and may help slow down the process or advocate for more reasonable terms, such as avoiding in-person meetings if they are too stressful.

Conclusion: Protect Your Peace

Divorce can be incredibly taxing on someone dealing with PTSD and suicidal thoughts. The pressure to make quick decisions or resolve conflicts swiftly can exacerbate mental health struggles, making an already challenging time unbearable. However, by understanding the neuroscience of stress and using strategies to protect your mental health, you can safeguard yourself through this difficult process.

If you or someone you know is experiencing PTSD or suicidal thoughts during a divorce, reaching out for professional support is a vital step toward healing. Your emotional and mental well-being are the most important things to protect during this time. Prioritize your health, seek support, and take things one step at a time—healing is possible, even in the most difficult circumstances.

— Linda C J Turner

Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment