By Linda C J Turner, Therapist & Advocate
Ever found yourself thinking…
🔁 “Why do I keep choosing the wrong people?”
🔁 “Why does this feel exactly like the last time?”
🔁 “How did I end up in the same situation — again?”
You’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not broken.
What you may be experiencing is something psychologists call Repetition Compulsion — a concept deeply rooted in psychodynamic therapy, and one that holds the key to understanding why we repeat what once hurt us.
🧠 What Is Repetition Compulsion?
First coined by Sigmund Freud and later expanded upon by modern psychotherapists, repetition compulsion refers to the unconscious drive to recreate unresolved emotional experiences from the past — especially those rooted in childhood — in the hopes of finding a different outcome.
It’s your psyche’s way of saying:
🔄 “Let’s try again — maybe this time, it’ll end differently.”
But without awareness or healing, the cycle just… repeats.
🔍 How It Shows Up in Real Life:
- Attracting emotionally unavailable partners, over and over again
- Playing the role of “rescuer” or “people-pleaser” in every relationship
- Sabotaging safe connections because they feel unfamiliar
- Repeating parent-child dynamics with bosses, friends, or partners
- Staying in situations that feel painfully familiar — even if they’re toxic
Repetition compulsion isn’t conscious. It’s not about weakness or poor choices. It’s about an unhealed wound trying to find resolution.
🧠 The Psychology Behind the Pattern
Why would we keep revisiting pain?
Because the human psyche is always trying to complete unfinished business. Especially the kind that occurred during our most formative years.
If your emotional needs were unmet — if you were abandoned, controlled, shamed, neglected — part of you is still searching for the ending you never got.
So you recreate the same setup, hoping for a new result.
But here’s the paradox: we tend to repeat with the same types of people who caused the wound — not the ones who can heal it.
Until we become conscious of the pattern.
🧬 Repetition & the Nervous System
From a neuroscience and trauma-informed lens, repetition compulsion is also driven by the nervous system’s addiction to familiarity — even if that familiarity is painful.
Your body remembers what relationships felt like growing up. Chaos, rejection, walking on eggshells — all of that becomes home to your nervous system.
So when you meet someone calm, safe, and steady… it might actually feel boring, even threatening.
That’s not because you don’t want peace — it’s because your body hasn’t learned how to recognize it yet.
🛠️ How Psychodynamic Therapy Helps
Psychodynamic therapy doesn’t just focus on symptoms — it dives deep into the roots:
🔎 Why do you feel drawn to certain dynamics?
🧠 What unconscious beliefs are driving these patterns?
🩶 What early relationships are you trying to resolve?
Through the therapeutic relationship itself — one that’s safe, consistent, and emotionally attuned — clients can begin to recognize the repetition as it happens, understand it, and gradually make different choices.
This isn’t just insight. It’s emotional reprogramming.
It’s how new relational patterns are born.
🌱 The Path to Breaking the Cycle
Healing from repetition compulsion begins with awareness:
✨ Noticing what feels familiar
✨ Questioning whether that familiarity is safe or just known
✨ Pausing before acting out an old script
✨ Surrounding yourself with safe, secure people who reflect your worth
✨ Doing the inner work to reclaim your agency
You’re not doomed to repeat the past.
You’re learning how to rewrite it — one conscious step at a time.
And that’s incredibly brave.
🧡 Final Thought:
Repetition compulsion is not failure.
It’s a cry for resolution. A call for healing.
And once you answer it with compassion and curiosity, everything can change.
Your patterns don’t define you — your courage to heal them does.
— Linda C J Turner
Trauma Therapist | Neuroscience & Emotional Intelligence Practitioner | Advocate for Women’s Empowerment
