The Isolated Cage: How Abusers Dismantle Support Networks

Abuse is not always about physical violence. One of the most insidious and devastating tactics of an abuser is isolating their victim, ensuring they have no one to turn to and no escape route available. I know this firsthand.

It started with my son. After an incident, my abuser told me I had to tell my son to leave. I never saw him again. That was over 30 years ago. Then it was my friends—lifelong friends with whom I had shared laughter, tears, and unforgettable memories. Whenever we had disagreements, I was told never to speak to them again. One by one, I was forced to cut ties, even though they had been part of my life for many years. Then came my extended family, my daughter, and my grandchildren.

He tried to manipulate me into confronting my mother, pushing me into a conflict I neither wanted nor needed. He claimed it was about standing up to her, even though he had never stood up to anyone in his life. Instead, he always positioned me as his enforcer, using me as his weapon, making me fire his bullets while he remained safely out of sight. It was hypocritical, cowardly, and deliberate.

Over time, he diminished my support network systematically. He spread lies, distorted realities, and turned people against me. He picked them off one at a time until there was no one left to turn to. I was left with nothing but him—his control, his manipulation, his rules. Every time I attempted to leave, he ensured I had nowhere else to go. With the finances in his grip, he wielded the ultimate threat: “If you leave, you will have nothing.”

This is how I remained in a long-term abusive relationship for so long. Isolation was his weapon of choice, and he wielded it masterfully. By controlling my finances, severing my connections, and making me dependent on him, he created a reality where leaving seemed impossible.

To those who are in a similar situation—please know this: you are not alone. There are ways out. Rebuilding is hard, but it is possible. I am living proof that there is life after abuse. It takes courage, support, and determination, but freedom is worth it. No one deserves to live in isolation and fear. You are worthy of love, respect, and a life free from control.

Break the silence. Reclaim your power. Find your way back to yourself.