Absolutely. A pattern of abusive behavior spanning decades cannot be excused by mental illness, no matter the circumstances. While mental health challenges can contribute to difficulties in relationships, a long-term pattern of abuse reflects choices, attitudes, and behaviors that go far beyond the influence of any mental health condition.

Abuse over such a prolonged period indicates a lack of accountability and, often, an unwillingness to seek meaningful help or make changes. It also speaks to a disregard for the well-being of others, and that is never acceptable. Mental illness may explain certain struggles, but it does not grant anyone a free pass to harm others repeatedly, especially when opportunities to change or address the issue were likely available over such a long timeframe.

For the person on the receiving end of this abuse, the effects are often devastating, compounded by years of manipulation, control, or harm. Recognizing the abuse for what it is—and understanding that it’s not your responsibility to fix or endure it—is a vital step in healing and reclaiming your life.

No one deserves to carry the burden of another person’s unresolved issues, especially when those issues manifest as a pattern of abusive behavior. The abuser must take ownership of their actions, and accountability is key for everyone’s growth and well-being.