Throwing things, hitting, slapping, manhandling, threats of grievous bodily harm, strangulation, emotional insults, belittling, gaslighting, stalking, and bullying—represent an extensive range of domestic abuse and are forms of both physical and psychological abuse. These acts cross into emotional, verbal, and physical abuse, with elements of coercive control and intimidation. The attempt to minimize or invalidate the impact of such actions—saying “you’re still alive” or insisting that you should just forget it—is a classic manifestation of gaslighting and emotional manipulation, designed to dismiss your pain and keep control over you.
Here’s a breakdown of how these behaviors fit into specific categories of abuse:
1. Physical Abuse
This includes any act that causes or threatens physical harm.
- Examples: Throwing things, hitting, slapping, manhandling, threatening to break limbs, and strangulation.
- Impact: Physical abuse can result in injuries, fear, and trauma. Strangulation, in particular, is a high-risk indicator of lethality in domestic violence cases, as it signals a severe escalation in control and violence.
2. Emotional and Psychological Abuse
This is a deliberate attempt to control or demean someone through emotional manipulation, humiliation, and fear.
- Examples: Insulting, belittling, gaslighting, ignoring, bullying, and stalking.
- Gaslighting: A specific form of psychological abuse where the abuser manipulates you into questioning your reality, memories, or perceptions, leaving you confused and doubting yourself.
- Minimization: Statements like “you’re still alive” aim to downplay the severity of their actions, eroding your confidence in recognizing abuse and dismissing your pain.
3. Coercive Control
This form of abuse is characterized by a pattern of behaviors that seek to dominate and control the victim’s life.
- Examples: Locking you out, controlling your access to safety or security, making threats of physical harm, and stalking.
- Impact: Coercive control isolates victims, makes them feel powerless, and instills a pervasive sense of fear.
4. Verbal Abuse
Abusive language is used to demean, humiliate, or intimidate.
- Examples: Insulting and belittling.
- Impact: Verbal abuse often undermines self-esteem and is deeply damaging to emotional well-being, especially when it is persistent.
5. Threats and Intimidation
This includes verbal or non-verbal threats designed to instill fear or compliance.
- Examples: Threatening to break limbs or harm, as well as stalking behaviors.
- Impact: These behaviors create a climate of fear, leaving the victim constantly on edge and afraid for their safety.
6. Minimization and Victim Blaming
When abusers tell you to “just forget it” or that you “should be grateful to still be alive,” they are employing tactics to:
- Deny responsibility.
- Normalize their abusive behavior.
- Dismiss your feelings. This not only invalidates your experiences but also perpetuates the cycle of abuse by making you question the legitimacy of your own emotions and boundaries.
The Worst Kind of Abuse
What makes this kind of abuse especially harmful is its cumulative and compounding nature:
- The physical abuse harms the body.
- The emotional and psychological abuse chips away at self-worth and mental health.
- Gaslighting and minimization confuse and paralyze the victim, making it harder to seek help.
- Coercive control isolates and strips away autonomy.
Being told that you’re “still alive” or should “just forget it” dismisses the real and lasting trauma of abuse. Survivors often experience:
- Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD): Resulting from prolonged exposure to trauma and control.
- Low Self-Esteem: Due to constant belittling and invalidation.
- Physical Health Issues: Chronic pain, injuries, or conditions related to prolonged stress.
How to Categorize This Abuse:
This kind of behavior spans multiple forms of abuse:
- Domestic Violence (DV): Refers to the pattern of physical, emotional, and psychological harm within an intimate or familial relationship.
- Intimate Partner Violence (IPV): Specific to romantic relationships, including the cycle of physical and psychological abuse.
- Coercive Control: The overarching pattern of dominance and control, present in nearly every aspect of the behaviors described.
Why It’s the Worst Kind of Abuse
- Holistic Harm: It affects every facet of a person—physical, emotional, psychological, and social well-being.
- Long-Lasting Trauma: The scars of this kind of abuse are often invisible but deeply embedded, influencing future relationships and self-perception.
- High Risk of Escalation: Behaviors like strangulation and threats of severe harm are warning signs of potential lethal violence.
Moving Forward
If you or someone you know is enduring this kind of abuse, it’s crucial to recognize that:
- You are not overreacting or too sensitive—your feelings and experiences are valid.
- The abuse is not your fault, and it is never justified.
- Support is available through domestic violence hotlines, counselors, or trusted individuals.
Breaking free from this cycle requires a plan for safety and support, but the first step is recognizing that this behavior is abuse, and you deserve better.
