1. Heal Before You Attach

Not because you’re broken — but because trauma distorts perception, attachment, and intuition.

Healing helps you:

• recognise red flags early
• trust calm instead of chaos
• avoid trauma bonding
• feel emotionally safe in stillness

You don’t attract healthier partners — you recognise them.

---

2. Go Slow (This Is Non-Negotiable)

Healthy connection develops gradually.

🚩 Red flag:

• rushing intimacy
• fast emotional bonding
• quick commitment
• love bombing

🌿 Green flag:

• steady pace
• consistency
• emotional restraint
• patience

Fast intensity = emotional danger after trauma.

---

3. Observe Behavior, Not Words

After abuse, charm can feel like safety.

Trust:

• consistency
• reliability
• emotional availability
• accountability
• respect

Not:

• promises
• flattery
• intensity
• dramatic stories

Patterns reveal character.

---

4. Learn to Sit in Calm (Without Mistaking It for Boredom)

After abuse, chaos feels familiar.
Peace can feel unfamiliar.

Healthy love feels:

• calm
• steady
• safe
• gentle
• predictable

If it feels too calm, that usually means:

Your nervous system is detoxing from chaos.

---

5. Strong Boundaries = Emotional Safety

Boundaries are not walls — they are filters.

Healthy boundaries:

• “I need time.”
• “That doesn’t work for me.”
• “I’m not comfortable with that.”
• “No.”

If someone:

• pressures
• guilt-trips
• rushes
• ignores limits

➡️ They are not emotionally safe.

---

6. Date From Wholeness, Not Wounds

You’re not looking for:

• validation
• rescue
• fixing
• saving

You’re looking for:

• companionship
• emotional safety
• mutual respect
• shared values

Healthy love adds — it does not complete.

---

7. Watch How They Handle Boundaries & Conflict

This shows emotional maturity more than charm ever will.

Healthy people:

• respect limits
• take accountability
• listen
• regulate emotions
• repair conflict

Unhealthy people:

• defend
• blame
• manipulate
• withdraw
• attack

---

8. Trust Patterns, Not Potential

After abuse, it’s easy to fall in love with who someone could be.

But healing means choosing:

Who they consistently ARE.

---

🚩 Red Flags (After Emotional Abuse)

• love bombing
• fast emotional attachment
• victim mentality
• blaming all exes
• jealousy framed as care
• emotional volatility
• inconsistent communication
• boundary pushing

---

🌿 Green Flags (True Emotional Safety)

• emotional consistency
• calm presence
• accountability
• respect
• empathy
• reliability
• emotional openness
• patience

---

🧠 Nervous System Rule (Very Important)

If your body feels:

• anxious
• on edge
• confused
• unsettled

➡️ Something is off — even if you can’t explain why.

If your body feels:

• calm
• grounded
• relaxed
• steady

➡️ You are likely safe.

The body knows before the mind.

---

🕊️ A Gentle Truth

Healthy love feels:

peaceful, safe, steady, and emotionally nourishing.

Not:

intense, dramatic, intoxicating, or chaotic.

---

✨ Dating Affirmation

I choose emotional safety over emotional intensity.
I deserve calm, secure, respectful love.