During separation and divorce, one of the most important — and most difficult — boundaries to hold is this:
Do not allow siblings, children, extended family, or friends to sway your decisions simply because they are close to you.
Not everyone involved has your best interests at heart — even when they believe they do.
Separation creates fear, uncertainty, and urgency. Into that emotional space, other people often project their own agendas, anxieties, and needs. These influences can quietly — and powerfully — derail clear decision-making.
When “Concern” Is Actually Self-Interest
A critical red flag is when someone’s first priority, sometimes within days of separation, is:
- Finances
- Selling a jointly owned property
- Dividing assets quickly
- “Securing” money or outcomes
When urgency is focused on money rather than stability, healing, or thoughtful planning, this is self-interest — not love, support, or reconciliation.
True care allows time.
True support prioritises emotional safety.
True guidance does not rush irreversible decisions while you are in shock.
How Other People Distort the Process
People may:
- Push for fast financial outcomes to reduce their discomfort
- Encourage decisions that benefit them directly or indirectly
- Frame fear as “practical advice”
- Undermine reconciliation efforts because they want closure, certainty, or control
Children, siblings, and even well-meaning friends can unintentionally pressure you to act against your long-term wellbeing.
The Cost of External Influence
Decisions made under pressure — especially financial ones — are often the hardest to undo. Acting too quickly can:
- Lock in losses
- Eliminate future options
- Increase conflict
- Create regret once emotional clarity returns
A Grounding Principle
If someone benefits from the speed or outcome of your decision, pause.
If urgency is being imposed rather than earned, step back.
If fear is driving the conversation, slow it down.
Separation is not just the ending of a relationship — it is a vulnerable psychological transition. Your decisions deserve time, neutrality, and space, free from other people’s unresolved needs.
Protect your clarity.
Protect your timing.
Protect your future.
